Selfie Toaster
Wouldn’t those eggs look better with their gorgeous face next to them? Any photograph can be converted into a template that will burn their beautiful mug right into every piece of bread that goes in the toaster. Fret no more, narcissism doesn’t have to wait until after breakfast.
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Now that the internet has taken the place of “those magazines”, your college student should have plenty of room under the bed for this compact, sturdy rolling safe. Help them protect their valuables from that drunken, morally-challenged stranger they’ll be sharing an intimate space with. And their roommates.
The most important innovation in motorized vehicles since the Model T, at least. This is just a car without all of the parts you don’t care about, at a tiny fraction of the cost. Live in style and let everyone know about it.
Don’t send your precious kin off to school without one of these insanely comfortable t-shirts to remind them where they’re from. A great antidote to homesickness and scratchy-clothing syndrome. And if someone should find them drunk and unresponsive on the front lawn, they’ll know approximately where to send them.
Help reinforce good choices by giving a young person this hilarious version of the world’s most famous death game. Just load up a water balloon and pass the pistol around the table, then wait to see who gets soaked.
God, do we even have to explain this one? It’s unlikely you remember a single house party from your college days where something or someone did not end up aflame. Or maybe you didn’t go to a state school. But it’s always better safe than sorry. Even more, better safe than on fire.
This shiny, meticulously crafted piece of fine art is so beautiful and weird that it will fit in absolutely anywhere. Their little sister will think it’s hilarious, their friends will be confused but impressed, and their art teacher will recognize them as a true connoisseur. Time to level up their art game.
The perfect portable self-defense device/sock-under-the-bed finder. If they had these in horror movies, everyone would still be alive. Compact and heavy-duty, this stun gun flashlight will fit right in their purse or sit comfortably on their nightstand for when their roommate sneaks in to steal their favorite shirt again.
Going to college means getting up and motivated for early morning classes, often after a late night of doing what college is really about - homework, right? It’s easy for students to forget to set an alarm, or to select PM instead of AM before passing out, from all that learning. A smart alarm clock can be programmed ahead of time to match their class schedule. On Monday it knows to go off at 7 in the morning, but on Tuesday it lets them sleep it off till 10.