It’s nice to have the option to get an endless massage from somebody whose hands never get tired. And you don’t have to worry about being a captive audience to some godawful boring story or suffer through ten minutes of vomit-inducing garlic breath. Machines do it better.
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Our bodies rely on light from the sun to calibrate our internal clock, provide us with energy, and support and regulate our moods. Unfortunately, if you’re stuck inside, you can’t bring the sun inside with you. And if you live in a high-latitude or cloudy area, you’re also screwed. But lucky for all of us, science has made the sun obsolete (almost). A light therapy lamp is a perfect get well gift for someone who needs a convenient emotional or physiological boost while they’re ailing.
This is the perfect choice for their bedside reading lamp - a light bulb that actually promotes sleep. Typical bulbs emit a specific type of blue light that suppresses melatonin, but that wavelength of color is filtered out of this bulb that is used by NASA to help astronauts sleep in space.
Nobody wants to touch your feet, so stop asking. And we know you don’t want to touch anybody else’s either, so if you want someone’s feet to feel better this is the only ethical choice. And with switchable heat and nonstop movement, this is way better than any human could do anyway. All without the complaining or the feeling of obligation to reciprocate in some way.
This may sound like a recklessly bold claim, but we have the studies to prove it. We took all the blankets in the world and rubbed them up against a very soft person, then listened to how much they cried. This one elicited a mere whisper.
We all have the urge to make chicken soup for a sick loved one, but that’s hard to do if you live hundreds or thousands of miles away. Enter the Spoonful of Comfort. They will deliver a basket containing gourmet soup, bread, cookies, a personalized note, and even a ladle. It’s the next best thing to doing yourself.
The cool thing about giving an Edible Arrangement as a get well soon gift is that even if they are not feeling up to eating much, it is happy to just sit there looking pretty. It’s like giving flowers that visiting well wishers can snack on. And it’s even healthy to boot!
Who doesn’t appreciate a hug every once in a while? It may have never occurred to you, but our feet don’t often get the love they need. Well, someone’s feet are going to be in for a real treat now with this pair of custom insoles. Up til now they’ve probably always been crammed into ready-made factory-produced shoes. It’s no wonder they’re getting so ornery. These custom molded insoles fit like a glove (we’d say “like a sock”, but these are light years better than socks), help prevent injuries, and ease foot fatigue and associated pain.
There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there’s no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.
There are few things that will enrage a high-level cook more than preparing all of the ingredients for a 5-star meal, only to find that the cilantro, parsley, or basil has degraded into a brown, slimy mess. More than a few unsolved murders have likely resulted. And what’s worse, some of that rotten herbage probably gets tossed into the recipe anyway, and some of that food probably gets served to you. Are you starting to see why you should buy one of these for your friends and family?
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
One of the biggest problems with being in public is there are so many things you’re either required or tempted to touch. Door handles, ATM touchscreens, animals, garbage…the list is practically endless. And it’s all contaminated with a never-ending litany of biological hazards and impurities. Germs, chemicals, and various bodily fluids are liberally smeared upon all the surfaces of our civilization. This keychain multitool is the gift from the gods of hygiene we’ve all been waiting for.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
