We were all grateful enough when robots started vacuuming our houses years ago. But these little androids were so generous that they went on evolving, because they just can’t help wanting to be more helpful. These days, you can integrate them with your smart home hub and monitor them from afar to make sure they’re not tormenting your pets or ordering any dirty movies that will show up on your credit card bill.
Everyone knows that if you leave your lawn health up to the weather, you might as well just light it on fire. I mean, you might as well invite a herd of bison to graze unfettered. I mean really. So you bought a sprinkler system, but the stupid thing will turn on in the middle of a monsoon. A smart sprinkler controller will fix that so you can have a decent lawn for once.
What day does the milk expire? Who the hell knows the answer to a question like that off the top of their head? Actually, your refrigerator does, if you’ve got one of these. Interior cameras allow you to monitor food levels from your phone, and you can receive instant messages when the door is left open so you know which kid to beat. Just kidding. Don’t do that.
Google is more or less the overlord of the world wide web, and now you can speak directly with your overlord through the Google Home smart speaker to turn off your lights, request directions to the proctologist’s office, or find out if it’s true that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo. While Amazon and Apple gave their virtual assistants sexy, mysterious names like Alexa and Siri, Google’s is simply Google Assistant. But what she lacks in Bond-girl sex appeal, she more than makes up for in smarts.
Every new parent rests easier with a good baby monitor. Being able to check in by picking up your phone and pulling up an instant video feed is the ultimate in parental comfort. Whether you’re worried that you sleep too soundly to hear your new arrival crying (in which case, oh boy, you’re in for a surprise) or you’ve just seen The Omen too many times, this will surely put your mind at ease.
The Bose Soundtouch gives you dramatic, room-filling sound in a slim, compact design. Mount on the wall right underneath your TV for a speaker that gives you the illusion of side surround sound without the need for extra speakers. The perfect way to really bring a home theater to life.
The idea that your home appliances are now studying and learning your habits might sound a little creepy. But this thing is really only trying to save you money. And no matter what you heard, it can’t read your thoughts. Unless you want it to.
The perfect smart lock for the person who can’t decide which way they want to open their door today. Operates via keypad, traditional lock, or mobile app and integrates seamlessly into your smart home automation setup. Includes a built-in alarm to immediately notify you of any unexpected shenanigans.
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
Sleep Pod is a first-of-its-kind sleep solution designed around the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy that can help you fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer. Sleep Pod applies a gentle, calming pressure to your entire body, much like a hug. This helps to reduce anxiety and gets you ready for sleep.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.