The Self-Contained Hootenanny
Get your player piano out of here! This amazing device is 17 instruments in one. That’s an entire band! And not a small one either! It stores 13,000 songs in 10 categories, features a 15” touchscreen interface, and is housed in a magnificent oak cabinet that is a work of art all its own.
Your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves. Doing exactly what it says on the package, this box has no purpose other than to instantly turn itself ‘off’ when you try to turn it ‘on’. Despite being useless, we have to admit it does have a certain charm.
Apparently this stuff really works. It’s fine to pretend it’s something else if the idea of a snail crawling across their face grosses them out. But of course gross is in the eye of the beholder, so maybe it’s not a big deal. Beauty demands sacrifices.
Get back to nature with some jewelry made out of dead bugs. Insects are some of the animal kingdom’s strangest creatures, and the brightest and most beautiful have been chosen for these unique pendants. It takes a special kind of weirdo to rock one of these.
We all know that to stay healthy, we should drink 8 cups of water a day, but water is boring and your favorite weirdo is more than likely anything but. Mixology takes a new turn into the modern day with these smart cups which are, we have to admit, a little bit weird. They can’t quite turn water into wine, but they can certainly make it taste different.
There are a lot of weird musical instruments out there, but many of them don’t make great gifts since it takes effort to learn how to play them. Not so with the Otamatone! There’s just not that much to know. Squeeze the bottom and it makes noise. Run your fingers up and down the neck, and it makes noise. See what we mean?
Weird meets cool in this unique over the shoulder bag that features a giant winking eye. This rather convincing optical illusion of a photo-realistic eye opens and closes depending on the angle of view. Scare potential thieves away with this creepy accessory.
Many, many people slaved away making these lollipops under great duress. They’re called confectioners, and they have a very stressful job. No, these aren’t really made from breast milk, so if you were excited that you found the perfect gift for that pervert you know, you might want to keep looking. Of course you don’t have to tell them they’re not real.
Not everyone has space in their home for a life-sized(!) replica T. Rex skeleton, but, for those who do, we can’t imagine a more exciting gift. Unleash their inner paleontologist with this incredible, museum quality item, an exact copy of a real fossil skeleton found in the Black Hills of South Dakota.