It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.
Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.
They may be the world record holder for moo goo gai pan take-out orders, but that doesn’t mean they can’t apply that same ambition to a more progressive enterprise on the culinary scene. These boxed meals feature fresh, nutritious ingredients that will inspire healthier eating and put a lid on that MSG consumption. Award their starved taste buds and support responsible land stewardship while you’re at it!
It can feel kind of strange to hand someone a notebook as a present, and be like, “Here, write in this.” But not when said notebook is an intricate and stunning piece of art like this wood-covered journal. Each one has either a natural image (plants, wildlife) or an uplifting message cut into the front cover. The unique and beautiful designs transform these from simple notebooks into works of art that the recipient adds to over time.
Alright, enough pussyfooting around. Are you gonna open that damn bottle or not? This authentic 50 caliber shell will definitively end the standoff with any stubborn bottle cap, no matter how strong a fight it’s willing to put up. The Bottle Breacher is made by and supports veterans, and might pique the interest of an ex-military or historically-minded recipient. Using an actual bullet to crack open a well-deserved beer at the end of the day is surely a much nicer use for it than originally intended.
Everyone, from Elon Musk to your next door neighbor, is straight-up terrified of the robot takeover, envisioning all kinds of post-apocalyptic horrors being visited upon us by our own creations. But then one of them offers to mow the lawn and everyone’s like, “Well, they can’t be that bad.” And it’s true - there might be a few bad apples coming down the assembly line, but you won’t find any in the lawn mower category. Just helpful, friendly, sort-of-intelligent mini landscapers who just want you to give them a place to lay low and recharge in between jobs. Nothing to be scared of here.
Life is all about redefining your vices as positive qualities. In fact, that’s how you become President, if you have the drive to take it that far. But most people prefer to start small, like reframing their nightly glass of wine as something worthy of a prescription. And really, who can argue? It’s a lot cheaper, has fewer side effects, and is actually fun to ingest. And it has culture. Don’t forget about culture.
Give these fortune cookies to a friend and tell them you had extra from last night's dinner. Be sure to have the camera rolling when they crack one open and see your bizarre custom message inside. Pick something that no cookie should know about them. Imagine their confusion when they read "You should break up with Mary. She should have been more careful with your Ramones t-shirt" or "Don't forget to get your car inspected. It's been overdue since July."
Tea has been renowned for its health and healing abilities since ancient times. Of course, so has bloodletting. But don’t worry - unlike cutting someone open, feeding them tea actually works. Most teas are packed with antioxidants and other important nutrients and fancy-sounding compounds that we’ve learned about from Dr. Oz, and many have genuine medicinal applications. And many teas also have flavor and aroma profiles that promote relaxation and relieve stress. It almost sounds too good to be true. But it’s not. Nature is a genius, and here’s her medicine.
The last thing anyone wants to do after a long day is wrack their brains trying to figure out what to drown their sorrows with. That’s really the last straw. With this beautiful, handcrafted set of drunk dice, the possibilities are endless—and so are the regrets. But hey, a party isn’t complete until things get a little dicey..
A great piece of meat is only good if you cook it right. And unless you’re going to crawl in the oven with it, it’s going to be hard to monitor it second-by-second so that you know the right instant to take it out. The meater uses wireless communication to signal that dinner is ready. Just like your primitive ancestors.
Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner. Every house needs one of these.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
In an ideal world, every home would have its own draft beer on tap. If that’s a gift you can afford, then by all means, please get them a draft beer tap. For the rest of us, there is the next best thing. This beer dispenser uses sound waves and pressure to transform any canned or bottled beer into beer you would swear came fresh from the tap.
It’s amazing to think that giving someone a kit to take a sample of their own DNA, that will then be sent off and analyzed, resulting in a detailed personalized genetic analysis, would have seemed like total science fiction just a few decades ago. But here we are, and the kit makes a thought provoking gift. They could be related to Genghis Khan, Cleopatra, Chuck Norris, and Batman… Probably not that last one. But you can’t prove it. Now you can either both spend your lives wondering, or you can finally understand where that fixation with roundhouse kicks came from. The choice is yours.
If you’ve ever suspected that you can’t trust your tongue, here’s proof. Adding volatile scents to these specialized forks completely changes the experience of eating, as your brain processes much more information through your nose than your tastebuds. Give this as a gift and help them have the weirdest, most surreal dinner parties in the neighborhood.
There’s an old saying that goes, “Nobody wants to see how the sausage is made.” Well, beer isn’t sausage, though they do go very well together. And everyone wants to see how the beer is made. Brewery tours exist to prove that beer, despite all appearances, is not in fact a magical substance. It’s created by ordinary people with ordinary people hands and no magic wands or other supernatural interference. It’s just a bunch of natural processes that happen to be exceptionally awesome. Take a beer enthusiast behind the scenes to witness the (non)magic in person with this local brewery finder.
Here’s a gift that will make them appreciate how easy it is to just go to the store and buy a bottle of wine. But before that appreciation has fully cultivated, they’ll spend countless hours trying to perfect their own special blend with this wine making kit. It’s a pretty simple process at its core, after all, prisoners make wine in the toilets, but a tough one to master. At the very least, we’re positive that they will not make the worst wine on Earth with this thing, but we would taste with caution.
For all of the earth’s majestic wonders, nowhere will you find a geyser that spits melted chocolate. That’s why fountains were invented. This one may not have the impressive horsepower of Old Faithful, but what comes out of it tastes a whole lot better than sulfurous water. A chocolate fountain, in fact, can even transform the dull bounty of the earth (vegetables, we’re looking at you) into something that people will get excited about eating.
Like the fairy godperson they never had, this smartphone-compatible homing device will always be there when they need it most. Think of the far-ranging implications of ending the problem of lost keys for good: it can save them from missed social dates, get them to work on time, and spare them the toxic neurological effects of chronic frustration. It may seem like a small gesture, but helping a poor soul stop losing their keys can be a life-changing gift indeed.
Technology may sometimes seem to complicate things, but here it removes one of life’s worst conundrums. Those french fries may taste great, but they’re quickly dragging you toward a big, fat grave. Remove the oil by using this electric air fryer, and they’re just damn good potatoes. Feast away with a happy heart.
Traditional golf pants are one of the most identifiable sartorial statements in the history of men’s fashion. This playful golf leg table captures the timeless style in a gloriously bizarre yet classic piece of furniture. Charmingly whimsical, dignified, and refined all at once, it makes a perfect addition to any man cave, vacation home, or course-side timeshare, and it’s bound to do as much for their reputation among other golfers as shaving ten strokes off their handicap.
Legal in all 50 states, this herb garden smokes the competition! The aroma of fresh herbs will bring serenity and well-being to their home and some much needed flavor to their cooking. Rosemary, thyme, dill, sage, oregano, the options are limitless! Green thumbs not required for this low-maintenance nursery. Sprigs of yummy goodness direct from Mother Nature.
In our computer-crazy culture, one of the most overworked parts of many people’s bodies is their eyes. It’s enough of a problem that some people would probably consider hiring a full-time eye massager if they could afford it, and if those people actually existed. But once again, here comes technology to save us from the damage created by other technology. This may look like a virtual reality headset, but there’s nothing virtual about it. Real heat, real massage, and real soothing music make it an invaluable tool for recovering from a hard day of sitting there and staring at the abyssal depths of the internet.
Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.
Hats have long been used as a means to hide a balding scalp, both from the painful effects of solar radiation and the equally loathsome fate of public judgment. But no longer are they merely for concealment. Thanks to the ingenuity of medical engineers, they are now also a means of treatment. What the hydroponic growth box is to the tomato, this cap is to the poor cranium suffering from thinning coverage. A dual-purpose fashion accessory if there ever was one.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Many of us rely on fortune cookies for guidance in everyday matters and major life decisions alike. Yet we never stop to think that we’re casting our fate into the hands of some anonymous pastry worker — or worse yet, some mindless, heartless industrial food processing machine — in a faraway land we likely can’t even pronounce. It’s time we begin taking our destiny into our own hands. Here’s to pulling ourselves up by the cosmic bootstraps.
Musical genius is not a prerequisite for this delightful sound machine. Whether it’s cranking out an original score or “Born to Be Wild,” the sweet melodies of this tabletop hurdy gurdy will capture the ears and lighten the hearts of all those who gather ’round for a listen. Add this customizable heirloom to the instrument collection and inspire a newfound appreciation for all things classic.
If you think that intoxicating substances and baseball don’t mix, consider that Doc Ellis once pitched a no-hitter while tripping on acid, and old time icons like Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, and Harry Caray were pretty much drunk all the time. This unique and meticulously crafted centerpiece is more proof of the divine intersection between the national pastime and…the other national pastime.
Everyone likes receiving money, and it’s the easiest gift to give. Unfortunately, a pile of bills is often considered tacky. On the other hand, roll them up into flower shapes and it’s considered art. A brilliant ruse to make the simplest of transactions socially acceptable.
Technology has been an ongoing boon to music makers and music lovers alike, but the downside is that anyone with a personal music collection has had a rough time keeping up over the last forty years or so. A 7-in-1 music player (AM, FM, CD, vinyl, cassette, bluetooth, and auxiliary in) allows them to get some use out of all that accumulated music without needing a room full of stereo equipment.
Gnome infestations have remained a taboo subject for too long. Damn the social consequences, we must finally bring this issue into the light. Gnomes are not people, they are parasites bent on destroying everything we’ve worked so hard to build and eating all of our vegetables. Don’t worry, you don’t have to snuff them out yourself. Leave that to this merciless miniature beast.
Perfect for lazy Sunday mornings on the bridge, these Original Show style bathrobes come in gold, blue, or red, and feature an embroidered insignia above the left breast and rank stripes on the arms. Drink coffee and explore the quadrant in these 100% cotton or microfleece ultra-casual uniforms.
If flowers could get you drunk, men would be all about bouquets. Until then, replace the posies and roses with distilled spirits and ale, and your manly recipient will be as woozy and giddy as a schoolgirl who just got her first love note. After a long day of doing man things, all he really wants is to relax and recover in the glow of a nice warm buzz. And every time he does, he’ll remember you, and think to himself what great taste you have.
As far as unusable real estate goes, this isn’t a bad deal. Buy swampland in Florida and everyone thinks (actually, knows) you’re a poor, sad, gullible boob who’s open to being taken advantage of. Own some land on the moon, on the other hand, and you’re sort of a lazy pioneer. It’s a long way to go for a vacation, and whoever you give this to probably can’t afford to make the trip, but if they ever figure out how to make this whole space taxi thing work, their great grandkids might just get some use out of it.
So much of golf is a guessing game. They have to estimate the wind, take calculated risks to avoid water and sand hazards, and pace their beer consumption appropriately. A laser range finder at least takes club choice out of the equation. It’s also waterproof, which is great for those times when they feel like hurling it into a creek in a fit of rage. Armed with tools like these, it’s only a matter of time before they take the pro tour by storm.
Among this gift’s many wonderful attributes is that it never runs out - so it’s always there, always in the same condition in which you bought it. It also never breaks, can’t be stolen, needs no virtual updates, has no hidden costs or fees, and may or may not be the source of everything (we haven’t yet confirmed). In so many ways, it’s the perfect gift.
Sturdier, more convenient, and easier to handle than traditional kabob skewers. No more forgetting to buy skewers and having to eat raw steak and vegetables or cook with their bare hands. Not every brilliant solution has to be high tech. Some just make a lot of damn sense.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
Sitting on the throne, for lack of a better term, isn’t the place where you tend to feel at your most gallant, but every king or queen needs a loyal knight to serve them and we’ve found just the man for the job. Always at hand when they need him the most, he won’t shy away from coming to their aid in even the most, er, challenging of situations.
Who has time for trial and error? Folks today demand fast-acting, proven solutions to their everyday conundrums. A modern stand-in for the tried and trusted Farmer’s Almanac, this back pocket companion is more reliable than your great-grandmother and more concise than an open-ended Google search. Believe it or not, some of the “smartest” solutions have been around for ages.
If there’s one skill that every responsible citizen should have, it’s the ability to access things that aren’t theirs. But you better believe you don’t get there without practice. Some day they’re bound to come across something they want that has been locked away by some other thoughtless and selfish human. Don’t let them approach this dark situation unprepared.
Buy them a couple tickets to a great event or show as a little test. Will they give the extra ticket to you? You just gave them this very thoughtful gift, after all. Or do they keep them both. In which case, maybe they just get a box of chocolates from the drug store next time.
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. If you know someone who has refined taste buds, this might even include cheese. But before you go buying a water buffalo, you should know that you can buy the enzymes and all that by themselves and then add milk later. The rest of the animal is incidental, inconvenient, and frankly dangerous.
If the last thing they need is another “thing”, then the best possible gift is to take a trip together. Whether it’s a short day-trip to the beach, a weekend in Vegas, or a vacation overseas, travel creates memories that will last forever, long after their gizmos have become obsolete, their doodads have broken down, and their whatchamacallums have faded into obscurity.
A trip to the spa promotes relaxation, relieves stress, and contributes to their general wellbeing. It also gets them off your back for a few hours. This is what people call a win-win situation. Ship them off to a place of rest and rejuvenation. You’ll both be glad you did.
What’s the point of moving or traveling if you’re going to do the same things you’ve always done when you get there? Give this anywhere travel guide to someone who’s going away and needs some ideas on how to battle boredom. Cards feature prompts that suggest activities they probably wouldn’t think of if left to their own devices.
If you're stuck on a gift idea, don’t overlook the obvious - everyone needs to eat. You could cook for them, or treat them to a fancy restaurant, but why not bring the experience of fine dining into the home? Hiring a professional private chef will make for a unique and memorable evening. Not only do they get to eat amazing food prepared right in their kitchen with their own equipment, they will learn the nuances of culinary excellence from a seasoned expert.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
Just as flowers bend toward the sunlight, the Mirthful Sommelier’s Monogrammed Wine Glasses incline toward the lucky mouths of the thirsty wretches who covet their contents. These playful and unique glasses are also the perfect stemware to break out when your gathering gets a little too uptight. After all, if even the glassware is chill enough to slouch, the humans drinking out of it can surely pull the rod out of their butts for a few minutes.
Help someone get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
Wine consumption is about much more than just getting drunk. It’s also about tradition and ritual. And as with all rituals, the more complex the better. At least, that’s the idea behind this wonderful, absurd, ingenious contraption. The Eccentric’s Wine Steward Eliminator is an 8-foot tall mechanical sommelier made from 300 precision-cast bronze parts, and it turns the act of uncorking and pouring a bottle of wine into some sort of ridiculously awesome Steampunk / Willy Wonka experience. Whoever owns this insane and fantastic contraption is one large step closer to world dominance.