For all of the earth’s majestic wonders, nowhere will you find a geyser that spits melted chocolate. That’s why fountains were invented. This one may not have the impressive horsepower of Old Faithful, but what comes out of it tastes a whole lot better than sulfurous water. A chocolate fountain, in fact, can even transform the dull bounty of the earth (vegetables, we’re looking at you) into something that people will get excited about eating.
Look, it’s not the 1950s anymore. Nobody has the time or patience to wait for a damn popsicle to freeze, at least not by conventional methods. It’s hot outside now, and lord knows you got a sweet tooth. Buy them one of these and they can be sucking on that frozen, flavored water stick in seven short minutes.
In the world of minor annoyances that slowly wear you down, wet hand and footwear are right up there with highway noise and wet toilet paper. Thankfully, there’s no more need to wait two days for dry boots or gloves. Just pop them on this handy little machine, turn the heat up, wait an hour or two, and it’s go time.
Being earthbound can be such a drag. A Star Trek themed bathrobe can be a nightly reminder that mere humans just like us have indeed sailed among the stars, and perhaps someday we will too. Does wonders for your confidence too: once you’ve had the feeling of piloting an interstellar craft, running a household is child’s play. </spa
Let’s be straight up here. This is the most unpretentious piece of furniture you could ever give someone, the apex of don’t-give-a-f*** comfort. Because really, who do they have left to impress? We know Lebowski would approve.
The old video games have a charm that just won’t ever be matched again. A couple of ethnic caricatures running around in the clouds killing turtles and invading medieval castles? Nowadays all we’ve got are zombies, which are disgusting and weird and move too slow to be interesting. Hark back to simpler times with this novel housewarming gift.
People these days are more interested than ever in knowing about the entire life cycle of the food they eat, from farm to table as they say. This butter churner is the perfect housewarming gift for someone who really likes to get hands-on with their food. Help transport them back to the days before capitalism had ruined the world but you had to do every damn thing yourself.
This is what Indiana Jones played with in his backyard when he got old and stopped chasing treasures in the third world. It’s just as fun, and nobody’s going to try to pull your heart out with his bare hand at the other end. Of course, you also won’t get rich, but you’ve gotta take the good with the bad.
Cotton candy brings back delicious memories of festivals, carnivals, and other favorite childhood events. But what about someone who lives in a crap town that even carnivals won’t visit, or is scared of clowns or strangers? Despite what your parents may have told you, cotton candy isn’t magic. It can be made right at home with a handy little machine like this.
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
Sleep Pod is a first-of-its-kind sleep solution designed around the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy that can help you fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer. Sleep Pod applies a gentle, calming pressure to your entire body, much like a hug. This helps to reduce anxiety and gets you ready for sleep.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.
