Gnome infestations have remained a taboo subject for too long. Damn the social consequences, we must finally bring this issue into the light. Gnomes are not people, they are parasites bent on destroying everything we’ve worked so hard to build and eating all of our vegetables. Don’t worry, you don’t have to snuff them out yourself. Leave that to this merciless miniature beast.
The outdoors have their own set of unique charms, but they could use some help in the tunes department. Life today is ultra-portable, and music should be too, but sometimes - like when you’re chilling with friends - headphones are just weird. Help them bring the party outside so everyone can get down.
Everyone naturally worries about the comfort of their guests, while the condiment bottles sit forlornly, wherever somebody tossed them, neglected and slathered in their own sticky residue. Thankfully, you realize that ketchup has needs too. That’s why you’ll buy this condiment picnic table for a less thoughtful person in your life.
Despite what you might think, not all communication in the 21st century is digital. There is a midway point between old time mouth-based talking and facebook, where people still communicate in a low tech environment. You just have to make a game out of it, or no one will bother. Let wall scrabble be the glue that holds the thin shards of someone’s family life together.
The old video games have a charm that just won’t ever be matched again. A couple of ethnic caricatures running around in the clouds killing turtles and invading medieval castles? Nowadays all we’ve got are zombies, which are disgusting and weird and move too slow to be interesting. Hark back to simpler times with this novel housewarming gift.
If you know someone that has a bit of a competitive streak, we think we’ve got the perfect gift for them. Be prepared to go toe-to-toe with their bishops, knights and queens as you try to outmaneuver and outdrink them. In this game of chess it’s not just your king that needs to be last man standing.
Both cheaper and healthier than buying commercially-made soda, this thing is a win-win. It’s also a step up in elegance from having a pantry stuffed with cases of Mountain Dew. They can tell everyone it’s “artisan soda”, whatever that means. Their health, checking account, and reputation as connoisseurs will all thank you.
People these days are more interested than ever in knowing about the entire life cycle of the food they eat, from farm to table as they say. This butter churner is the perfect housewarming gift for someone who really likes to get hands-on with their food. Help transport them back to the days before capitalism had ruined the world but you had to do every damn thing yourself.
Moving into their dream house is a big occasion that deserves a big party. And what’s a big party without big cocktails? This giant shaker will keep the drinks flowing at the housewarming and will prove to be the centerpiece to a memorable night. Well, we say memorable, that all depends on how often it gets filled…and emptied…