Cruel Fake Money Joke
Stop being such a selfish jerk already! When you’re sitting on this amount of dough, the only right thing to do is give it away to someone who’s going away … and hope they’re not stupid enough to use it and be put away … for life! Talk about a hilarious prank for that punk who’s leaving you high and dry in this godforsaken place. Don’t let the spoof drag on for too long, though—they might go and spend the phony loot to buy you a lavish gift and then you’ll be an accessory to the crime!
So they finally got that dream house in the dream neighborhood and everything is right in the world. Congratulations to them. But how are they going to get that thousand-pound antique grandfather clock into the moving truck? Oh, isn’t that convenient: they thought you were going to carry it. Hand them this instead and give them your best “Well, what are you waiting for?” look.
The Customs Officers will be drooling over this strapping passport holder! One stroke of that rich handmade pouch and they’ll be smitten for life. A modern-day world traveler needs to cross global borders with style and clout and this fine accessory commands attention and demands intercontinental respect. Give that special someone a lasting gift that will accompany them on the countless adventures that lie ahead.
This sounds more like a gift for you than for them, but it’s something that they will appreciate in a big way. They will probably be feeling a little isolated and lonely in their new town, especially if they’re leaving deep roots behind. It takes a long time to cultivate friendships in a new community, so seeing a familiar face in their new town is likely to make it feel more like home. Plus, you could probably use a vacation, right?
After the stressful experience of packing up all their belongings and leaving their home, they will no doubt need to unwind and decompress. Encourage them to put the moving boxes down and immerse themselves in their new community. Do a little research and find an event in their new town and get them a couple tickets. Remember, it may be hard to see them go, but it’s even harder for them to adjust to these changes.
Cleaning every nook and cranny of a house before moving out is an enormous task. The level of cleaning that will take place is likely far beyond anything they did when they actually lived there. That just makes the experience feel even more like a fruitless chore, cleaning for someone else and not even getting to enjoy the tidiness. With a long to-do list before moving, cleaning the old place is something that they would love to cross off without lifting finger. Hire a local cleaning service to take take of this drudgery so they can focus on what’s next.
Do you have a friend with a wandering spirit that often gets them into trouble? Give that gypsy some direction with this classic navigational piece that might teach them a thing or two about geographic points and the Earth’s magnetic field. A gracious nod to the days of ticking pocket watches and prized lockets, this exceptional accessory will accentuate their courageous approach to life and make them an even greater standout in a sea of aimless copycats and frivolous explorers.
Many people, when faced with new surroundings, forget to eat and end up perishing from malnourishment. This is a leading cause of death among travelers and those who have recently moved. A gift card at a great restaurant not only reminds them of the paramount importance of calorie ingestion, but even pays for some of it.
If you really want to make an authentic product, get out that Members Only jacket, don some vintage Walkman headphones and pretend you have some really cool parachute pants on—this going-away compilation is going to be off the charts! Come up with a wicked awesome name for your retro mix … something along the lines of “Bitchin’ Bon Voyage Bonus Mix Tape!” and remember to give proper credit to the artists. Upload the magic to that righteous thumb drive and you’ve got a gift that’s totally tubular, Dude!