Cruel Fake Money Joke
Stop being such a selfish jerk already! When you’re sitting on this amount of dough, the only right thing to do is give it away to someone who’s going away … and hope they’re not stupid enough to use it and be put away … for life! Talk about a hilarious prank for that punk who’s leaving you high and dry in this godforsaken place. Don’t let the spoof drag on for too long, though—they might go and spend the phony loot to buy you a lavish gift and then you’ll be an accessory to the crime!
Is your going-away gift budget topping out at $5 … including taxes? Fear not—this handy-dandy idea is a homerun for the less-than-crafty set. Just raid your parents’, grandparents’ or your own trunk for something called an “atlas.” (A local map once used for scouting yard sales will also work.) Grab your toddler’s scissors or some comparable shears to cut out an accurate shape of the state. Then pull out those five big ones and purchase a simple frame to house your creation. Voilà!
Nothing makes you feel more at home in a foreign place than knowing the right way to tell someone to go f*ck himself. Don’t let a traveler you know venture off into the great unknown without arming them first with this essential guidebook. No matter where you end up on this great planet of ours, respect follows those who command the rough outer edges of the language.
Leaving home isn’t always a walk in the park. Give that departing loved one this decorative street sign along with a few bonus safety tips: Remember to be courteous to others and mind the rules of the road, especially when visiting new and unfamiliar places. Try to avoid any dangerous potholes along the way. Keep your eyes on the road as you drive off into the sunset, and don’t get distracted by what’s in the rearview mirror. Yield to oncoming traffic as you cruise down the boulevard of dreams and remember to use your directional if you have to make a U-turn and start over. Good luck and always wear your seatbelt!
A visual display of a prolific traveler’s cartographic conquests, this map comes alive as they scratch away each region visited. Modern modes of transport have made the world a very small place. Checking into each sovereign nation on earth is within the realm of possibility for anyone with moderate wealth and an abundance of time. Here’s the wall art to help them prove it.
There’s a bunch of things they’ll need help with if they’re getting ready to move, and U-Haul has tons of products and services that just might save the day. A gift card can be applied to truck and trailer rentals, self-storage, moving supplies and even hiring a moving crew. It’s a practical going away gift that will elevate some of the stress of moving, so they’ll be free to freak out about something else.
If they’re moving from one region of the country to another, half of their wardrobe may become pretty useless. Those tank tops and swimsuits were perfect for Florida weather, but not so much for Wisconsin. Get them some new threads that will be more appropriate for their new environment so they’ll be a little less like a fish out of water.
The streets of one’s hometown are too real to be thought of in two dimensions. This set of wood cutout maps makes these cities come to life. The outline of every block is rendered in painstaking detail by a dedicated artisan, all by hand. The perfect way for them to remember home.
After the stressful experience of packing up all their belongings and leaving their home, they will no doubt need to unwind and decompress. Encourage them to put the moving boxes down and immerse themselves in their new community. Do a little research and find an event in their new town and get them a couple tickets. Remember, it may be hard to see them go, but it’s even harder for them to adjust to these changes.