Funny Retirement T-shirt
It took years of hard work to reach this point. Or, more likely, years of pretending to work hard. When someone finishes a marathon, they get all kinds of swag to prove they made it from start to finish, and that’s only a few hours of discomfort. We’re talking about decades of stress, annoyance, and repressed murderous impulses here. They’ve earned the right to wear their journey for everyone to see.
Once you’ve got a few (hundred thousand) miles on your bones, low-impact exercise is the way to go. A swim routine is the best tonic for those aching, sagging muscles. But old people tend to get lost easily, so you probably don’t want to drop them at the lake and let them swim off. Better to find a nice pool with a little bit of supervision.
Retirement is all about finding a new perspective. After many decades of being earthbound, everything probably looks about the same from down here. A helicopter ride gives you a unique viewpoint, both above and up-close, letting you see things the way few people get to see them. It’s probably the closest they’ll ever get to being a superhero.
Day to day life can get a little lonely for some retirees who are used to interacting with lots of people in the workplace. Why not give them a new friend to talk to? Alexa will never grow tired of their conversations and is always willing to endure their pointless anecdotes.
You might think that retirement is all relaxation, making this kind of gift redundant. Boy, would you be wrong. There’s all that yard work, all those coupons to clip, and all those young people running around acting a fool. Retirement is just as full of annoyance and monotony as anything else. A spa gift card is worth its weight in gold.
Give the gift of beauty with a piece of original artwork from Artsy. These are not prints. This is the real thing, suitable for mature adults with refined tastes, like a retired person is supposed to have. Of course, some of the stuff here maybe isn’t all that refined, but at least it is original.
The good life is all about quality over quantity. Or maybe it’s about quality and quantity. We’re not here to argue. If they still want to swill down cheap rotgut wine by the box, nobody’s going to stop them. It’s their life, not yours. But here’s a great way to broaden their horizons once a month by introducing them to the stuff that’s popular with the people who don’t mix their chardonnay with diet sprite.
People still get pensions? Retirement is the BEST. Give the gift of smug satisfaction with one of these novelty mugs and glasses that tells the world your favorite retiree is kicking back, forgetting about all the stress, and still getting paid every month.
Whatever colors they wore in their younger, more spry years, you can bet they wore them with pride. But god knows they’re not going to fit into that uniform anymore. And even if they did manage to force their old carcass into those youthful dimensions, it would probably only make everyone a little worried for their mental health. But turn it into an everyday use item like a tote bag, and they’ll look stylish as all get-out.