Insomniac’s Sleep Inducer
Insomniacs often say they’ve tried everything in order to get to sleep. But in reality, how many insomniacs have ever tried hypnotizing themselves with a pulsating blue light? Well, here’s your chance to call bullsh*t on them. Making use of an age-old meditative technique, the insomniac sleep inducer helps people enter the land of a thousand winks by synchronizing and slowly lowering the frequency of their breathing. After that, it’s nothing but hours of the old snoozy-woozy.
If they’ve been laid up recovering for awhile, the best thing to lift their spirits would be to get out and enjoy a little self-indulgence. With a SpaFinder gift card they can pamper themselves with a variety of healing treatments from yoga to massage. It may be just the thing to help them feel like themselves again.
They say laughter is the best medicine, and Netflix is crammed full of comedies to help someone in recovery get well faster. But if they would rather watch torture movies and slasher films with people getting disemboweled and whatnot, they’ve got that too. Whatever makes them feel better.
This is the perfect choice for their bedside reading lamp - a light bulb that actually promotes sleep. Typical bulbs emit a specific type of blue light that suppresses melatonin, but that wavelength of color is filtered out of this bulb that is used by NASA to help astronauts sleep in space.
Bonsai is the ancient art of cultivating miniature versions of shrubbery or trees through careful maintenance. Bonsai are sometimes grown for hundreds of years, shaped by different owners over multiple generations. But don’t be intimidated, nobody’s asking your gift recipient to make that kind of commitment. Many people consider growing a bonsai tree to be a highly meditative and spiritual process, and other people just think they look really cool. If you know someone with a green thumb who’s going to be stuck around the house for a while, this could be a great companion.
Remember when you were a kid and the greatest thing you could think of was finding a cheese ball the size of the moon? Somewhere along the line, someone told you that you had to grow out of this phase. It wasn’t a phase dammit. Everyone wants bigger junk food and getting well is the perfect excuse to have some.
Don’t you find it ironic that even though tens of thousands of years have passed, and countless technological innovations stand between us and our hunter-gatherer ancestors, many of us now have to go even farther to get our food? There’s something backward here. But as the modern digital age has taught us, the Internet fixes everything. And nobody who’s recovering from an injury or illness wants to go out and collect their food. This is how the modern tribe takes care of their members in need.
Some people talk with their hands, and everyone finds this very annoying and distracting. These socks allow the wearer to talk with their feet, all from the universally non-threatening reclined position. And best of all, unlike when your uncle Giuseppe gets excited, nobody has to worry about losing an eye.
Everyone’s heard the phrase, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” Typically, this is nothing but a trick used to make the act of backstabbing easier. Luckily, technology being what it is, you almost never have to rely on anybody else anymore. This telescoping back scratcher lets even the most immobile sufferer get to that nasty itch. It’s a get well gift that helps them look out for #1.