Scotch Infused Toothpicks
At some point during their forties, it becomes acceptable for people to use a small stick to pick out bits of food in their teeth, and leave them lying around. We know, it’s gross. But chances are, your 50-year-old does it. You might as well make it nicer for them with these Scotch infused versions.
By their 50th birthday, a person is probably pretty sure they are not going to ever have a royal title. Like, what are the chances? Now you can blow their mind with the gift of a Scottish Laird or Ladyship decorative title and a real piece of an ancient estate.
Older people sometimes get a little freaked out about technology they don’t understand, so give them some peace of mind with this card that blocks remote RFID readers from stealing their credit cards. And buy one for yourself, too, because this threat is actually real.
The 50th birthday is probably the last time you can get away with “over the hill” jokes. From here on in, these kinds of jokes will sound more like observations. Take advantage of your last chance to pick on the old guy by putting together a basket of embarrassing senior citizen’s products like prune juice, orthopedic shoe inserts, hemorrhoid cream, Metamucil, Depends diapers, Beano, and reading glasses.
Sleeping in space is not as easy as one might think, which is why NASA invented this lightbulb that promotes melatonin production by taking the blue out of the spectrum of light it produces. Help your favorite 50 year-old get a proper night’s sleep with this scientifically proven gift.
In our opinion, while the fact that this is a custom one-of-a-kind portrait of a person’s DNA sequence is very cool, it is not the best reason to buy this for someone’s 50th birthday. After all, if it were ugly, we would never recommend it at all. But it is not ugly. It’s quite beautiful, actually. And that is best reason to buy it.
Start the countdown, because the 50th birthday means they are in range for this gift. Count down every day, hour, minute, and second until retirement begins with this nifty clock. They can even bring it to work to make the whippersnappers jealous. With the average age of retirement always on the rise, you may want to throw in some extra batteries too.
Okay, so they can’t really tell anybody when they’re going to die. But they can measure cell aging based on things you’ve probably never heard of and don’t need to know about. A vital new way to measure health and lifestyle-related longevity. Much more reliable than that palm reader at the state fair.
This is the real stuff. You don’t start off drinking 50 year old whisky. No, you buy the cheap stuff, then maybe the fancier stuff, and once in a while the good stuff comes your way. But a liquor that’s aged for 50 years, like a human, is on a whole other level. This has to be earned by living.