World’s Largest Coffee Cup
It has been prophesied that the apocalypse will not come via comet or nuclear war, it will come when the world’s caffeine sources dry up. But that’s not for another 15 or 20 years. Until then, it should be approached with a complete lack of self-control. Give them a leg up with a buzz you should need a prescription for.
The years spent in college are the ones where teenagers turn into young adults and are ready to take on the world. Even so, it’s not uncommon for them to miss their own little corner of the globe from time-to-time. Make their dorm room a home away from home with a candle that will remind them of their roots. It’s the perfect way to cure homesickness.
The ultimate guide to what they should have learned already, with a title that communicates what you can’t bring yourself to say out loud. The world may be a nicer place than the one you grew up in, but it still can’t help punishing dumbasses. Help them get it together.
Big ideas can change the world, but so do small acts. Not all of us can create the next Google or reinvent the energy industry, but we can all be better at being human. This international, online-integrated card game provides the ideas and the motivation to spread goodwill everywhere you go, one act at a time.
Their toothbrush cleans their mouth, but then what cleans their toothbrush? How have you not been thinking about this? If you don’t have one of these, your mouth and your toothbrush are just playing volleyball with all that crap that comes off your teeth. Life is gross enough without walking around with a bacteria factory in your face.
We can’t emphasize this enough: you ride the motorized cooler full of drinks to the party, you drink its contents, and then you WALK it back home. Nobody wants to be the guy on the news who got arrested for drunk driving an empty cooler. So stay safe.
Celebrate their roots with one of these insanely comfortable t-shirts to remind them where they’re from. A great antidote to homesickness and scratchy-clothing syndrome. And if someone should find them drunk and unresponsive on the front lawn, they’ll know approximately where to send them.
Now that the internet has taken the place of “those magazines”, your college student should have plenty of room under the bed for this compact, sturdy rolling safe. Help them protect their valuables from that drunken, morally-challenged stranger they’ll be sharing an intimate space with. And their roommates.
Look, we know that not everybody needs to have a giant five pound gummy bear, but not everybody technically needs pants, either. Having a giant gummy bear is like having a pair of pants: once you have one, it is hard to imagine life without it. The point is that need has nothing to do with it.