Admittedly, this is kind of a niche gift. But somehow, inexplicably, this has become a giant niche. Fans of the animated sitcom - as well as the associated blog, comic book, and soundtrack album - will have a great time geeking out to these real life, chef-tested recipes for the outlandishly-named burgers the show is famous for.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Alright, enough pussyfooting around. Are you gonna open that damn bottle or not? This authentic 50 caliber shell will definitively end the standoff with any stubborn bottle cap, no matter how strong a fight it’s willing to put up. The Bottle Breacher is made by and supports veterans, and might pique the interest of an ex-military or historically-minded recipient. Using an actual bullet to crack open a well-deserved beer at the end of the day is surely a much nicer use for it than originally intended.
If humans were meant to fly, the logic goes, we would have been born with wings. Well, logic is an overrated buzzkill. Leaving the earth and relying on your own wits to return in one piece is something everyone should experience. Give the middle finger to gravity and biological destiny.
This gift gives them actual ownership of a tiny piece of a real Scottish castle, which gives them the legal right to call themselves a Laird or Lady. It’s a perfect boost to their ego, instant bragging rights, and endless opportunities to make them try a Scottish accent. When you add next year’s gift of a kilt to the mix, the transformation will be complete.
Everyone likes a nice stiff after-dinner drink, but sometimes you get tired of swearing at strangers and getting in fights with the sheriff. What’s a country boy to do? A great gift for anyone who’s looking to tone it down a notch but can’t give up the taste of that sweet Kentucky nectar. Or anyone who wants an extra special kick to start the day.
If they’re anything like us, they’re not wild about some anonymous person manhandling their pork. The problem is, of course, that someone has to turn it into bacon. A make your own bacon kit is the perfect gift for someone who really wants to take control of their lives, starting with the most important parts.
Do you know someone who’s always in search of the perfect hot sauce? Well, maybe the answer is to let them make their own. This kit allows you to experiment with different pepper, spice, and vinegar combinations until you find the holy grail of hotness. No more excuses, just hot pepper perfection.
When traveling, some people really like an element of predictability to anchor their experience in an unfamiliar place. With a recognizable name like Hilton, you know exactly what to expect. Unfortunately, that name and that predictability come at a premium. You can help take the sting out of a vacation’s most expensive element by picking up the tab ahead of time.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
Ever since slushies were invented, they’ve been treated like they’re for kids and kids only. But discrimination is never justified, and the creators of this beer slushy maker are out to prove it. Adults want in on the party too, just in a different way. Specifically the beer way. And this machine takes them directly to Beer Way, right down Delicious Street.
It can be hard to get the whole family to sit still for a portrait, but with generational photos you only need to get them to sit still one at a time, which can usually be accomplished with nothing more than subtle threats. Not only is that easier to manage, but with a little Photoshop magic you can turn the raw materials into a graphic representation of one little branch of your family tree. The finished product is like looking down a long hall of mirrors into your genetic history.
Grilling out is about to get a makeover. No more lugging around a bag of charcoal or pressurized cans of flammable liquid. That’s stone age crap. It’s time to start harnessing geometry and the primal power of the solar system to help make dinner. The parabolic reflective surface condenses the sun’s rays on the cooking vessel, letting them grill, steam, slow-cook, or pan fry their favorite dishes under the clear blue sky, and all with a minimal level of human input. Sometimes simpler really is better.
You’ve been meaning to tell them that nobody likes their grilled pizza, no matter how much they pretend to. Now you don’t have to tell them anything. Just buy this grill-top pizza oven and let nature run its course. Once they try this, they’ll never go back. Oh, and it works in 2-4 minutes. Magic.
Back in the grand old days of nobility, every clan with any standing in society had a family shield they displayed proudly for all the world to see. These days, that might seem a little extra. But a family plaque is totally acceptable. In fact, it can even add some class and charm to an otherwise drab interior or exterior wall. Not that you’ve got any drabness in your life, wall-related or otherwise. We’re just saying, this is a really good looking plaque.
If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
Chances are you know someone who still patches up their household items using duct tape. Probably while listening to their favorite Bee Gees 8-track. Do that person and their home a favor and bring them out of the DIY dark ages with a roll of Fiberfix. Then maybe go to work on their music collection.
As much as we love old people, we can’t stop laughing at how often they lose things. But alas, we really should take some pity on them. How many times can one person lose their reading glasses before they find that their sanity has vanished along with them? These portable, foldable reading glasses are the answer that elderly folk everywhere have been waiting for, whether they know it or not. Now if you can only find something to help them stop losing their keys…
Video game arcades in every town may be a thing of the past, but with the 80s revival that’s washed over the western world, demand has spiked again for old-time video games that look like they were designed by an 8-year old and housed in giant man-sized boxes. And for good reason: they’re so much fun that you could lose your entire childhood chasing the high score in Asteroids. Don’t ask how we know that.
Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.
The great conundrum of losing your glasses has always been that you’ve lost the one thing that you need to find the thing you’ve lost. That is, until technology stepped in. Now, through the magic of bluetooth, there’s one more layer of foolproof assistance to undo the errors of human carelessness. That is, until they lose their phone too. At that point, the only answer is super-gluing their belongings to their body. Even idiot-proofing has its limits.
Like the fairy godperson they never had, this smartphone-compatible homing device will always be there when they need it most. Think of the far-ranging implications of ending the problem of lost keys for good: it can save them from missed social dates, get them to work on time, and spare them the toxic neurological effects of chronic frustration. It may seem like a small gesture, but helping a poor soul stop losing their keys can be a life-changing gift indeed.
If they had the choice, they’d probably put a whole arcade in their basement. Unfortunately, the available space for games is probably finite. But people are used to instant gratification, and we don’t like to have to choose. So instead of curing cancer, some magnificent genius has dedicated his superior brainpower to figuring out how to fit two of the most popular tabletop games of all time into the space of one. Now that’s what we call capitalism.
For serious fans only, this 25th Anniversary commemorative photo collage is anchored by a reproduction of the original movie poster signed by the movie’s biggest stars — Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, and Francis Ford Coppola — surrounded by images of the film’s most famous scenes. Under the watchful gaze of the Corleones, no ill happenings can befall the owner of this vintage cinema art. A fantastic gift for famiglia e amici alike.
No light shines as bright as the light of wisdom. Even better if that wisdom is delivered in weird syntax that makes you stop what you’re doing to figure out what you’re being told. That is, after all, Yoda’s whole schtick. Clever little bastard. This intricately crafted lamp includes one of his best-known motivational slogans — imploring the world, more or less, to “just do it.” Seriously, if you know any over-the-top Star Wars fans, just get this for them. It’s as close to a can’t miss gift as you’ll ever find.
Traveling together can be a bonding experience. But if you’re going to be seen together, isn’t it time they lose that 1970s mustard colored softshell leather suitcase? Come on, you can be honest — it’s a little embarrassing. So help them join the 21st century with a decent luggage set. But on the other hand, maybe you’re not interested in traveling together at all. Maybe a new luggage set is just a nice way of saying, “Would you please go somewhere far away for a while?” It’s great for that too.