Whether it happens on social media, on the set of a daytime talk show, or in the middle of an intergalactic war, few life events provide the same level of drama as a paternity revelation. And in the history of American culture, Darth Vader’s infamous announcement still trumps them all. Commemorate this landmark moment in modern cinema with a coffee mug that celebrates one of the most famous scenes of all time, and also says to Dad: “I’m glad you’re not him.”
This gift gives them actual ownership of a tiny piece of a real Scottish castle, which gives them the legal right to call themselves a Laird or Lady. It’s a perfect boost to their ego, instant bragging rights, and endless opportunities to make them try a Scottish accent. When you add next year’s gift of a kilt to the mix, the transformation will be complete.
Everyone likes a nice stiff after-dinner drink, but sometimes you get tired of swearing at strangers and getting in fights with the sheriff. What’s a country boy to do? A great gift for anyone who’s looking to tone it down a notch but can’t give up the taste of that sweet Kentucky nectar. Or anyone who wants an extra special kick to start the day.
There are very few authentic Viking activities that are acceptable in modern society. So for the most part, we have to take what we can get. Drinking from a real, ethically harvested Viking-style bull horn drinking vessel is one of those acceptable activities. And drinking from a Viking horn vessel is more than just acceptable — it’s a recognized sign of strength, power, and valor. And in some cases, perhaps mild psychotic tendencies. But nothing society isn’t set up to handle.
If they’re anything like us, they’re not wild about some anonymous person manhandling their pork. The problem is, of course, that someone has to turn it into bacon. A make your own bacon kit is the perfect gift for someone who really wants to take control of their lives, starting with the most important parts.
Do you know someone who’s always in search of the perfect hot sauce? Well, maybe the answer is to let them make their own. This kit allows you to experiment with different pepper, spice, and vinegar combinations until you find the holy grail of hotness. No more excuses, just hot pepper perfection.
If you’re going to do something, do it the right way. That goes for buying a knife too. The last thing you want is to be in a life and death situation and have to say, “If only I had a fine-toothed miniature saw and I knew what time it was.” This pocket knife has you covered on both fronts. The only way we could imagine this knife being more loaded is if they added a miniature cannon or gave it time travel capabilities. The perfect gift for the survivalist who likes that extra layer of security against that “what-ifs”.
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
Ever since slushies were invented, they’ve been treated like they’re for kids and kids only. But discrimination is never justified, and the creators of this beer slushy maker are out to prove it. Adults want in on the party too, just in a different way. Specifically the beer way. And this machine takes them directly to Beer Way, right down Delicious Street.
It’s an underappreciated fact of the animal kingdom that all of its members can be made into jerky. Except maybe insects and jellyfish. And Sasquatch — but that’s only because you’ll never catch him. Everything else is fair game for the jerky racket. And once you’ve tried Buffalo Bob’s full array of exotic jerky offerings, you’ll understand that jerkyhood is perhaps the highest state that animals can achieve — like a sort of physical enlightenment. But delicious.
If they don't already have a marinade injector it would make a perfect gift. And if they do, tell them to throw that junk away - this one is way nicer. Initially, the novice may wonder why they need a marinade injector. Of course, if they knew why they needed one they would, in fact, already have one. But they'll learn. And it will be a delicious process. And soon you'll reap the benefits when you're invited over for dinner and vodka infused watermelon.
It can be hard to get the whole family to sit still for a portrait, but with generational photos you only need to get them to sit still one at a time, which can usually be accomplished with nothing more than subtle threats. Not only is that easier to manage, but with a little Photoshop magic you can turn the raw materials into a graphic representation of one little branch of your family tree. The finished product is like looking down a long hall of mirrors into your genetic history.
As you’re probably aware, life has the ability to present far more than 100 unique deadly situations. However, for anyone looking to become death-proof, these 100 skills are the perfect place to start. This Navy SEAL penned survival guide offers up the most essential tricks and techniques to foil the grim reaper and his various earthly minions wherever and however they may haunt the reader. From battle-tested death maneuvers to everyday survival and evasion strategies, this book has what it takes to take any average Joe or Jane from “dead meat” to Badass Street.
Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn’t mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.
Grilling out is about to get a makeover. No more lugging around a bag of charcoal or pressurized cans of flammable liquid. That’s stone age crap. It’s time to start harnessing geometry and the primal power of the solar system to help make dinner. The parabolic reflective surface condenses the sun’s rays on the cooking vessel, letting them grill, steam, slow-cook, or pan fry their favorite dishes under the clear blue sky, and all with a minimal level of human input. Sometimes simpler really is better.
There’s nothing better than when someone goes and solves a problem you didn’t know you had, without even being asked. Such is the case with this pocket knife style key organizer. Among the benefits afforded by this ingenious device are increased pocked comfort, improved aesthetics, and the ability to slip into one’s house soundlessly, like a thief. It’s really superior to the old-style keychain in every conceivable way. With this ultra-durable and lightweight key organizer made of aircraft aluminum, they’ll be soaring high on the winds of convenience and comfort.
You’ve been meaning to tell them that nobody likes their grilled pizza, no matter how much they pretend to. Now you don’t have to tell them anything. Just buy this grill-top pizza oven and let nature run its course. Once they try this, they’ll never go back. Oh, and it works in 2-4 minutes. Magic.
Back in the grand old days of nobility, every clan with any standing in society had a family shield they displayed proudly for all the world to see. These days, that might seem a little extra. But a family plaque is totally acceptable. In fact, it can even add some class and charm to an otherwise drab interior or exterior wall. Not that you’ve got any drabness in your life, wall-related or otherwise. We’re just saying, this is a really good looking plaque.
If given the choice of any imaginable superpower, not many would choose “magnetic wrists.” Except, perhaps, carpenters. And the world would look upon them skeptically, until they tried out one of these magnetic wristbands for themselves. Thankfully, in a world where real superpowers are hard to come by, you can now get your own magnetic wrist for pretty cheap. And better yet, it can be removed at any time, so you’re not collecting stray parts as you go about your day. Simple technology beats superpowers every time.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
The last thing they need is more stuff, and at the end of it all it’s really the experiences that they will cherish the most. Help them create some new memories to look back on by finding a fun activity to do locally. Be adventurous and choose something they’ve near done before. It’s a gift that will enrich their life and yours too.
Turn any room into a game room without ruining the elegant vibe they’ve worked so hard to cultivate. Foosball is a game of the people, making the great sport of soccer accessible to everyone, even the tragically out-of-shape and terminally uncoordinated. And old school tabletop games like foosball give people a real world gathering place, so they can get off the damn interwebs for a while and learn how to engage in face-to-face communication. It’ll be awkward at first, but they’ll get used to it. Speaking of which, this table makes a great conversation piece.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to learn from the best in the world? This is the idea behind MasterClass. A wide range of courses designed and taught by some of the most famous, renowned, and respected luminaries in fields as diverse as cooking, guitar playing, negotiation (hostage or otherwise), fiction writing, film making, and gardening, just to name a few. You can give a single class as a gift or a subscription for all of them.
Chances are you know someone who still patches up their household items using duct tape. Probably while listening to their favorite Bee Gees 8-track. Do that person and their home a favor and bring them out of the DIY dark ages with a roll of Fiberfix. Then maybe go to work on their music collection.
As much as we love old people, we can’t stop laughing at how often they lose things. But alas, we really should take some pity on them. How many times can one person lose their reading glasses before they find that their sanity has vanished along with them? These portable, foldable reading glasses are the answer that elderly folk everywhere have been waiting for, whether they know it or not. Now if you can only find something to help them stop losing their keys…
Video game arcades in every town may be a thing of the past, but with the 80s revival that’s washed over the western world, demand has spiked again for old-time video games that look like they were designed by an 8-year old and housed in giant man-sized boxes. And for good reason: they’re so much fun that you could lose your entire childhood chasing the high score in Asteroids. Don’t ask how we know that.
The great conundrum of losing your glasses has always been that you’ve lost the one thing that you need to find the thing you’ve lost. That is, until technology stepped in. Now, through the magic of bluetooth, there’s one more layer of foolproof assistance to undo the errors of human carelessness. That is, until they lose their phone too. At that point, the only answer is super-gluing their belongings to their body. Even idiot-proofing has its limits.
Like the fairy godperson they never had, this smartphone-compatible homing device will always be there when they need it most. Think of the far-ranging implications of ending the problem of lost keys for good: it can save them from missed social dates, get them to work on time, and spare them the toxic neurological effects of chronic frustration. It may seem like a small gesture, but helping a poor soul stop losing their keys can be a life-changing gift indeed.
If they had the choice, they’d probably put a whole arcade in their basement. Unfortunately, the available space for games is probably finite. But people are used to instant gratification, and we don’t like to have to choose. So instead of curing cancer, some magnificent genius has dedicated his superior brainpower to figuring out how to fit two of the most popular tabletop games of all time into the space of one. Now that’s what we call capitalism.
For serious fans only, this 25th Anniversary commemorative photo collage is anchored by a reproduction of the original movie poster signed by the movie’s biggest stars — Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, and Francis Ford Coppola — surrounded by images of the film’s most famous scenes. Under the watchful gaze of the Corleones, no ill happenings can befall the owner of this vintage cinema art. A fantastic gift for famiglia e amici alike.
No light shines as bright as the light of wisdom. Even better if that wisdom is delivered in weird syntax that makes you stop what you’re doing to figure out what you’re being told. That is, after all, Yoda’s whole schtick. Clever little bastard. This intricately crafted lamp includes one of his best-known motivational slogans — imploring the world, more or less, to “just do it.” Seriously, if you know any over-the-top Star Wars fans, just get this for them. It’s as close to a can’t miss gift as you’ll ever find.
Buy them a couple tickets to a great event or show as a little test. Will they give the extra ticket to you? You just gave them this very thoughtful gift, after all. Or do they keep them both. In which case, maybe they just get a box of chocolates from the drug store next time.
There’s an old saying that goes, “Nobody wants to see how the sausage is made.” Well, beer isn’t sausage, though they do go very well together. And everyone wants to see how the beer is made. Brewery tours exist to prove that beer, despite all appearances, is not in fact a magical substance. It’s created by ordinary people with ordinary people hands and no magic wands or other supernatural interference. It’s just a bunch of natural processes that happen to be exceptionally awesome. Take a beer enthusiast behind the scenes to witness the (non)magic in person with this local brewery finder.
Traveling together can be a bonding experience. But if you’re going to be seen together, isn’t it time they lose that 1970s mustard colored softshell leather suitcase? Come on, you can be honest — it’s a little embarrassing. So help them join the 21st century with a decent luggage set. But on the other hand, maybe you’re not interested in traveling together at all. Maybe a new luggage set is just a nice way of saying, “Would you please go somewhere far away for a while?” It’s great for that too.
When traveling, some people really like an element of predictability to anchor their experience in an unfamiliar place. With a recognizable name like Hilton, you know exactly what to expect. Unfortunately, that name and that predictability come at a premium. You can help take the sting out of a vacation’s most expensive element by picking up the tab ahead of time.
You could just get them a gift card to a spa or for a massage, but why not go for a more interesting experience like cryotherapy? It’s basically a box you get into to get blasted by ridiculously cold air for a short period of time. Advocates say that the treatment rejuvenates the body and helps repair tissue damage. If your town doesn't have a cryotherapy place yet you could try a bathtub full of ice and a big fan.
Help someone get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
If the last thing they need is another “thing”, then the best possible gift is to take a trip together. Whether it’s a short day-trip to the beach, a weekend in Vegas, or a vacation overseas, travel creates memories that will last forever, long after their gizmos have become obsolete, their doodads have broken down, and their whatchamacallums have faded into obscurity.