Name a Star After Them
Some might consider it the ultimate display of human privilege to begin claiming faraway stars just because we have a few extra dollars in our pockets. But once you realize that the universe is far bigger than you think it is, you’ll cool off a little. There’s more than enough to go around for everybody. Several billion times over. So go ahead and give someone a little piece of the cosmic pie. Nothing to get all riled up about.
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.
Pepper is an in-your-face spice, and its essence has nothing to do with subtlety. Here is the perfect vessel for the preeminent seasoning at the table. Let this beautifully crafted ebony grinder tower over the other lowly flavors, including its eternal rival, salt. Any other symbolism we’ll leave up to your imagination.
Why bike through the real world when you can bike through the more interesting one someone else created? And consider the safety difference. A small spill in the real world could leave them with a broken arm or worse; a VR game allows them to experience the rush of having their head blown off by a rogue bandit in an apocalyptic world, then go eat breakfast. No comparison.
For many people, donuts are the only reason to get up in the morning. Despite this, we’ve been told over and over how unhealthy they are, being fried balls of dough and all. Well, this donut pan will remove the final psychological barrier to full enjoyment, because it takes out the frying. Take that, food police. Oh, and it’s a lot cheaper too.
Nothing makes you feel more at home in a foreign place than knowing the right way to tell someone to go f*ck himself. Don’t let a traveler you know venture off into the great unknown without arming them first with this essential guidebook. No matter where you end up on this great planet of ours, respect follows those who command the rough outer edges of the language.
Technology may sometimes seem to complicate things, but here it removes one of life’s worst conundrums. Those french fries may taste great, but they’re quickly dragging you toward a big, fat grave. Remove the oil by using this electric air fryer, and they’re just damn good potatoes. Feast away with a happy heart.
Brewing beer sounds fun, but ask anyone who’s tried it and they’ll tell you that it takes a lot of boring cleaning and babysitting of the brew to do it right. Add to that the difficulty of getting consistent, reproducible results, and it just makes sense to let this clever machine do the work. Watch the home brew progress from phone or tablet while taking it easy.
Jellyfish are some of nature’s most mesmerizing, beautiful, and sublime creations. They’re also a lot harder to care for than a goldfish. Thankfully, you can get the same visual effect with synthetic jellyfish and some creative lighting. A way cooler version of the classic lava lamp.