When they hit 30, it’s the prime of their life. Time to start raking in achievements and accomplishing those goals they’ve always dreamed of. So it’s your job to get in the way of that. Bring their productivity to a screeching halt with a gift that’ll have them staring mindlessly for hours.
If there’s anything that can make wine taste better, it’s a little frustration. If you think life in our rapid-delivery consumer culture is just a bit too easy, then teach someone a valuable lesson on their 50th birthday, by making them work more than they anticipated for their reward. You’re not only giving the world’s oldest artisan beverage, you’re helping develop life skills.
Fire pits sure look inviting, but let’s face it, who wants to smell like charred charcoal and smoldering soot when they crawl into bed at night? Experience the beauty of fire with this classy, odor-free design that can complement any extracurricular activity or intimate affair. Toss the pokers and the bellows and clear the table … this stunning centerpiece is on fire!
If they are not living out their childhood sandbox dreams of operating a bulldozer or a backhoe at this age, chances are it’s not going to happen. Tough luck, kid. At least you can let them live that dream for a day by buying them a trip to Extreme Sandbox.
Lobsters have many, many great qualities, not least among them are their nutritional and flavor profiles. But they’re dumb as dirt, exceptionally slow, and don’t drive. So if it’s inconvenient for you to go all the way to the ocean to find the best lobsters, you’re going to have to have someone mail them to you. Thankfully, lobster mail is now a reality.
If they didn’t have a germ phobia before, help them develop one before it’s too late. Once you explain how much this vacuum catches that was missed before, they’ll start to notice germs everywhere. Just realize you’ll be hanging out at their house from now on.
Back in 1905, a Swiss laborer had a sandwich and some absinthe for lunch, then went home and killed his family. And that was it for absinthe. A classic case of overreaction. Now it’s more than a hundred years later, and absinthe is again the trendiest liquor in the world. If you’re just turning 30, you might as well jump into the deep end. Here’s the diving board.
Take them on a walk down memory lane with a box full of toys they used to love, accessories they used to envy, and hairstyles they’d rather forget. Especially the hairstyles. Be sure to include those. And make them open the gift in front of all their friends and family.
There’s a right way and a wrong way to enjoy tequila. How do you know the difference? The wrong way ends with you naked and vomiting among strangers. The right way looks like this picture. Tequila sipping glasses and flavored salts bring out the subtle overtones that make this famous (and sometimes infamous) spirit a timeless classic with endless nuances to explore.
Some things are just inherently adult: finishing taxes a month in advance, owning more than one spare tire, and now this. Show the 30-year-old in your life you care by reminding them how old they are and how, yes, they absolutely do need a separate machine to clean their jewelry. They’ll thank you—right after they pay their bills a month early or whatever other adult things they do.
Every big shot needs a set of these to take their big shots from. Perfect for a 30th birthday gift, but also appropriate for anyone who wants to flex their drinking muscles or show their military/hunting roots. Perfect for that person who really goes in for the kill at the drinkin’ hour.
Chess pieces may look cool, but they’re extremely dated. Here’s a chess board that makes use of something they can relate to: drinking vessels that help them forget everything they hate about their life. Don’t worry, they’ve kept the little horses and whatnot. Now you can just drink out of them.
What better object to have in hand while you’re getting drunk than a grimacing skull to remind you of your own mortality? Rendered in stunningly intricate detail, this guy really comes to life when you fill him up with a colored liquor. Just like someone else you know.
The morning drinker: one of the most misunderstood fellow citizens. Once imbued with the spark of firewater, they can do anything, especially if it’s delivered with the bold energy rush of caffeine. You think we should eradicate morning drinking? Well, you can kiss all your favorite novels goodbye then, because all great authors are drunk by 10 am. But I guess if you want to try tricking someone out of their morning cup of whiskey, this would be the best way.
Many scientists consider smell to be the strongest of the human senses, tied up so intimately as it is with emotions and memories. It’s also sometimes the most neglected aspect of the home. You know who we’re talking about. Help that person craft a more sensuous and pleasing atmosphere for everyone who steps inside.
Nothing quite makes an impression like someone who has a giant tool and knows how to handle it. Get everybody within a half-mile radius drunk in one fell swoop with this absurdly proportioned mixology shaker. A brain-cell smiter of truly biblical proportions.
Different people learn in different ways. Not respecting those differences is a major reason the public education system has failed us so terribly. Some people learn visually, some learn by mimicking, and some learn by beer. This book is for the last group.
Musical genius is not a prerequisite for this delightful sound machine. Whether it’s cranking out an original score or “Born to Be Wild,” the sweet melodies of this tabletop hurdy gurdy will capture the ears and lighten the hearts of all those who gather ’round for a listen. Add this customizable heirloom to the instrument collection and inspire a newfound appreciation for all things classic.
If you’ve ever suspected that you can’t trust your tongue, here’s proof. Adding volatile scents to these specialized forks completely changes the experience of eating, as your brain processes much more information through your nose than your tastebuds. Give this as a gift and help them have the weirdest, most surreal dinner parties in the neighborhood.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, or maybe just gives you PTSD. Either way, it’s better than dead. Here’s a book that can help the owner avoid the dead category for a little longer, even when things get hairy. Rough world we live in.
Air travel can be pretty uncomfortable, especially if you're crammed in an economy seat like most working folks. When the stress is mounting, the kid starts crying, and the pilot announces that they'll be arriving behind schedule, at least there is booze. These cocktail kits will help them find their happy place when they feel like popping that emergency exit and bailing out.
Propane tanks are convenient and useful, but the last thing you need is to have the damn thing run out at your next barbecue and everyone ends up eating undercooked chicken. It used to be the manliest man in the group picked up the tank, said how many hours were left, and then by the time the tank was empty everyone was too drunk to remember how wrong he was. Boy we’ve come a long way.
Grilling doesn’t have to be a seasonal pastime anymore. This creative addition to your barbeque repertoire will bring the oven to the patio and some deliciously baked goods to the chef’s outdoor menu. The irresistible flavor of brick-oven fare will redefine your backyard and inject some home-cooked aroma into the too often smoky, greasy smells of the charcoal circuit. Who knew cooking out could be so refined?
Nothing creates a sense of urgency like counting the seconds until the time when you can’t count the seconds anymore. The surest way to beat procrastination, this watch doesn’t let you off the hook. Strap it on someone’s wrist, give them a hearty slap on the rear, and tell them to get to work.
If there’s one skill that every responsible citizen should have, it’s the ability to access things that aren’t theirs. But you better believe you don’t get there without practice. Some day they’re bound to come across something they want that has been locked away by some other thoughtless and selfish human. Don’t let them approach this dark situation unprepared.
Sushi’s great, but not as great as when launched from a cannon. Good news for you – and everyone else within ten feet – it doesn’t have a great deal of firepower, but still helps spice up meals with some unnecessary– scratch that, totally necessary action hero elements.
Know someone who just can't stand waiting a few minutes for their eggs to cook? This gift’s great for hosting dinner parties, brunches, and most importantly, seeing how many eggs they can make in an hour. Careful though, once they realize this machine’s true potential, they may never stop inviting you to brunch. Welcome to the rest of your life: hope it’s EGGcellent.
As far as unusable real estate goes, this isn’t a bad deal. Buy swampland in Florida and everyone thinks (actually, knows) you’re a poor, sad, gullible boob who’s open to being taken advantage of. Own some land on the moon, on the other hand, and you’re sort of a lazy pioneer. It’s a long way to go for a vacation, and whoever you give this to probably can’t afford to make the trip, but if they ever figure out how to make this whole space taxi thing work, their great grandkids might just get some use out of it.
Know someone who’s had a lot of close calls? Celebrate it with this bullet-embedded shot glass. A strong reminder that you never know which direction the next shitstorm is coming from, and you never know what shape it’s going to take. You might as well live it up now while you can.
Along with abundance comes the responsibility not to bore the crap out of people by making the same silly casserole every night. The problem is that nobody wants to think that much about food. They just want to eat. Place the burden of creativity - and blame - on these ingenious foodie dice, and watch the possibilities multiply.
They’ve learned about literature, mathematics, and history in school. Their parents taught them right from wrong. And they even know how to cook dinner and change the oil. That’s all well and good, but what use is any of that when they are taken by foreign agents? These emergency survival courses will teach them the truly important things that were left out of their education, like how to escape when they wake up in the trunk of a moving car with their hands and feet bound.
Their very own Tyrannosaurus skeleton. Enough said. It fits all occasions, and those who disagree can take it up with the dinosaur. Help them earn a reputation as the coolest person in the neighborhood, and when holidays swing around, wrapping it in lights and adding a hat can only earn you Alpha Friend status.
It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.
Give these fortune cookies to a friend and tell them you had extra from last night's dinner. Be sure to have the camera rolling when they crack one open and see your bizarre custom message inside. Pick something that no cookie should know about them. Imagine their confusion when they read "You should break up with Mary. She should have been more careful with your Ramones t-shirt" or "Don't forget to get your car inspected. It's been overdue since July."
Buy them a couple tickets to a great event or show as a little test. Will they give the extra ticket to you? You just gave them this very thoughtful gift, after all. Or do they keep them both. In which case, maybe they just get a box of chocolates from the drug store next time.
They are bound to receive a lot of jewelry for a 30th birthday so break the mold a little and give them something a bit different. We’re sure they’ll want their precious mementos to last a lifetime but won’t want to spend a lifetime cleaning them. An ultrasonic jewelry cleaner is the perfect answer to keeping everything sparkling while leaving them free to do whatever 30-year-olds do.
Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.
Look, soap is great. Nobody’s denying that. But you have to realize that while it does make you clean, it doesn’t accomplish the one thing that so many people wish it did: cover them in chocolate. For obvious reasons, however, being covered in chocolate is a somewhat dubious goal. After all, they would have to wash it off right away to avoid getting it on the furniture. This chocolate soap is the perfect compromise: they get to cover themselves in chocolate and somehow get cleaner at the same time. And wow, it really smells good too.
For many people, donuts are the only reason to get up in the morning. Despite this, we’ve been told over and over how unhealthy they are, being fried balls of dough and all. Well, this donut pan will remove the final psychological barrier to full enjoyment, because it takes out the frying. Take that, food police. Oh, and it’s a lot cheaper too.
Everyone likes a nice stiff after-dinner drink, but sometimes you get tired of swearing at strangers and getting in fights with the sheriff. What’s a country boy to do? A great gift for anyone who’s looking to tone it down a notch but can’t give up the taste of that sweet Kentucky nectar. Or anyone who wants an extra special kick to start the day.
Back in the old days you were really rolling the dice when you chose a hotel. Either you called blindly after skimming the phone book or simply drove all night and hoped you saw a vacancy sign before you ran out of gas and got murdered by a vagrant. A hotels.com gift card is not just a way of picking up the tab for a night’s stay; it’s also the priceless gift of peace of mind.
We shouldn’t have to even sell you on this. If you can afford to give someone a The Big Top Calliope for their birthday, and they can afford to have one, and would actually want one (this is key), then it really makes no sense that you haven’t already bought this by the time you get to the end of this sentence.
Technology may sometimes seem to complicate things, but here it removes one of life’s worst conundrums. Those french fries may taste great, but they’re quickly dragging you toward a big, fat grave. Remove the oil by using this electric air fryer, and they’re just damn good potatoes. Feast away with a happy heart.
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
Someone went and leveled up the fish bowl. This is the perfect gift for that big-picture thinker who digs sustainability and balance. Also for anyone who wants a pet they don’t have to take care of. The organisms in this eco-sphere take care of each other, maintaining perfect aquatic harmony. Go ahead, write a poem about it.
If you’re looking for a truly one of a kind gift, you might consider commissioning a local artist to create a unique piece of jewelry. It will not only be cherished by the lucky recipient, but it’s also a gift to the starving artist, so it will mean a lot to everyone. Remember to plan in advance for this one, custom made artwork is not created overnight.
Back when old people were kids, shadow puppeteering was accepted as a legitimate skill. That meant holding your hands in front of a light to create rudimentary animal shapes on the wall, because there was no internet. These candleholders are a serious step up. Just try making a mature cedar with your hands. Ok, stop. It’s not going to happen.
The 21st Century can be an overwhelming place – space exploration, nuclear weapons, Justin Bieber… The Knowledge Book distills thousands of years of humankind’s most significant ideas and achievements— explains how they are linked and why they are important—and packs everything into a single, irresistibly readable volume.
A trip to the spa promotes relaxation, relieves stress, and contributes to their general wellbeing. It also gets them off your back for a few hours. This is what people call a win-win situation. Ship them off to a place of rest and rejuvenation. You’ll both be glad you did.
Deep inside every adult relaxing on a sofa, loveseat, or recliner is a kid who’s longing to be lounging in a good ol’ beanbag chair. In other words, beanbags are what the people want, conventional furniture be damned. After all, they are relaxing, charmingly informal, unpretentious, fun, and extremely comfortable. If only everyday life conformed to your wishes the way a giant beanbag conforms to the contours of your body. And beanbags are very stylish in their own way — you can call it “slacker chic.” Help someone unleash their inner lazy child with one of these.
A normal magic wand makes things disappear. This one makes them appear on your doorstep, though it takes a couple of days. That’s how magic works in the digital age: it’s a little slower, but it gets you stuff you actually want. The old magic just got you a rabbit or something and left you confused. They’ll like this a lot more.
Sometimes, you need to get down to business and do your work, but other times, you need to procrastinate—help your friend do the latter. There’s a time and a place for efficiency and that’s not when you have a pen that can bend in your hands.
The years seem to start to speed up by the time a person’s thirtieth birthday rolls around. Thirty years might not seem like so long. This framed reproduction of the New York Times front page from the day they were born will remind them that 30 years is actually a pretty long time ago.
Well, they’ve spent 30 years in this reality, they’ve probably had enough – we didn’t invent a whole new one for no reason. Give them a virtual reality headset and allow them to come face to face with dinosaurs, dance on the moon, meet their idol… you’ll probably never see them in the real world again.
By their 30th birthday, your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves.
Appeal to the material side of fun and indulge your trend-setting 30 year old in some hedonistic, haute couture entertainment. So what if her closets are busting at the seams, there’s always room for that extra pair of designer jeans and some famous label dresses. Whip out that plastic and take pleasure in some serious swiping and tap-and-pay consumerism. Max out the fun factor and celebrate their birthday with some good ole fashioned excess!
If you’re looking for a subtly stylish gift, we’re sure that this necklace will be universally loved. It’s a beautiful piece of jewelry that people will certainly gravitate towards. It’d also be a good time to remind them that in comparison to the cosmos, they’re positively youthful, something they’ll love you to the moon and back for.
30 is not too old to get hammered once in awhile, but it is too old to get hammered drinking inferior booze. Get their sophisticated adult drinking life started right with a bottle of top shelf liquor that has been aging for as long as they’ve been breathing. They’ll see the light.
Certain small items like keys, wallet, and sunglasses have a bad habit of getting lost when they’re most needed, so it’s nice to have a dedicated spot for them. Ikea probably has a solution for that, but for the love of god, it’s time to stop relying on the Swedish to solve all of your problems. This nice man in Oregon put together a very unique bowl that would look great on someone’s coffee table.
Like happiness, most peoples’ wealth is intangible. It’s just a number that represents a theoretical claim on a few bars of metal locked in a vault somewhere that don’t exist anyway. So what’s better than happiness and fake money? Gold! And nothing but gold! But you’re way too sophisticated to give them a shapeless ball of ore. Gold coins allow you to hand over timeless wealth in a package that’s fit to be displayed. Just like a king of yore.
Good and bad are always subjective, an eternal truth reinforced by these confusingly labeled shot glasses. They’re also primarily determined in retrospect, which means the moment of decision is not the time to worry about such trivial concepts anyway. A very philosophical gift for someone entering a philosophical phase of life.
The ultimate guide to what they should have learned already, with a title that communicates what you can’t bring yourself to say out loud. The world may be a nicer place than the one you grew up in, but it still can’t help punishing dumbasses. Help them get it together.
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
It’s never too early to spread the love. And with this heart-shaped waffle maker, all they have to do is spread the batter, and all the love symbolism comes popping out by itself, like magic. Alas, these delicious creations are destined to be just as fleeting.
When traveling, some people really like an element of predictability to anchor their experience in an unfamiliar place. With a recognizable name like Hilton, you know exactly what to expect. Unfortunately, that name and that predictability come at a premium. You can help take the sting out of a vacation’s most expensive element by picking up the tab ahead of time.
Craft brewing has definitely taken over the beer industry. But with so many microbreweries and so much competition, it sometimes gets hard to keep up. And who knows what to make of the bizarre varieties taking over liquor store shelves? Orange pickled hibiscus springtime lager? Porcupine quill Mongolian stout? Good lord. Time to look into the homebrew options.
How many times have they said, “I know this town like the back of my hand”? Present them with this accurate jigsaw representation, sit back, and ask them to prove it. Or stoke their nostalgia with a puzzle version of their long-lost birthplace. A great choice for a more personalized gift.
Give the gift of beautiful views, bucket-list achievements, and especially if they’re afraid of heights, hours of entertainment for you. It veers away from cruel since it’s completely safe, but you’ll definitely get your money’s worth watching them rotate between admiring the splendor and clutching the basket while praying in four languages. Especially since they only speak one.
For many wide-eyed young adults, the future looks ripe with opportunity as they imagine the glorious journey they’ll have while turning all their dreams into realities. Of course we know, most of those dreams will not materialize and many enthusiastic attempts at success will end in miserable failure. As this enlightening book explains, this seemingly endless floundering is actually the typical path towards real prosperity. Most of the important lessons in life are learned through mistakes and failures, lessons that culminate at some point (even if through sheer brute force and stubborn determination) in eventual success.
People love venturing into nature for the near mystical experience of being connected with our pre-civilized roots. We feel a strong, implacable pull toward wild places like the desert and the forest. The problem is, nature really just wants to eat you. This book tells you how not to let that happen.
Save them from trekking all the way down to the local ice cream chain store and waiting in line for some 16 year old who hates everything about them to shovel a handful of mass-produced ice cream into a paper cup and then charge them eight dollars while rolling his eyes. Life is so much more pleasant when you can do things yourself, isn’t it?