Back in the grand old days of nobility, every clan with any standing in society had a family shield they displayed proudly for all the world to see. These days, that might seem a little extra. But a family plaque is totally acceptable. In fact, it can even add some class and charm to an otherwise drab interior or exterior wall. Not that you’ve got any drabness in your life, wall-related or otherwise. We’re just saying, this is a really good looking plaque.
Every big shot needs a set of these to take their big shots from. Help them flex their drinking muscles or show their military/hunting roots. A perfect gift for that person who really goes in for the kill at the drinkin’ hour.
When was the last time you were truly challenged by your nuts? That’s the idea behind the Death Nuts line of super spicy peanuts for crazy people. This isn’t a “sit in front of the TV and relax” brand of nuts. This is the “Oh God, what was I thinking, why do I make so many bad choices” peanut. The culinary equivalent of self-flagellation. Except taking the Death Nut Challenge doesn’t earn you any points with God. Just a good hour of blinding pain that you didn’t even know was possible.
Nothing quite makes an impression like someone who has a giant tool and knows how to handle it. Get everybody within a half-mile radius drunk in one fell swoop with this absurdly proportioned mixology shaker. A brain-cell smiter of truly biblical proportions.
This putting game combines the strategy and gameplay of billiards with mini-golfing skills. The game’s green felt surface and six “pockets” set up on a floor mimicking a pool table layout and challenges players to sink shots using clubs instead of pool cues. Players can practice their putting skills while competing in popular billiard variations such as 8 Ball, 9 Ball, or Rotation. Includes 15 regulation golf balls printed in the style of billiard balls, a white “cue ball,” triangle ball rack, and two carbon fiber putters.
Surely you’ve got plenty of memories to mark the passage of time together, but it’s good to have some numbers to back up your feelings. And it’ll be interesting to see the look on your spouse/partner’s face when they’re confronted with the irrefutable evidence that yes, you really have been together for an absurdly large number of days. But even more than that, a Days Together mug serves as a reminder of the substantial investment you’ve both made. In economics they refer to it as “sunk cost,” and it’s a healthy motivator.
The morning drinker: one of the most misunderstood fellow citizens. Once imbued with the spark of firewater, they can do anything, especially if it’s delivered with the bold energy rush of caffeine. You think we should eradicate morning drinking? Well, you can kiss all your favorite novels goodbye then, because all great authors are drunk by 10 am. But I guess if you want to try tricking someone out of their morning cup of whiskey, this would be the best way.
In truth, we’ve all got a jar of romantic memories in our brains, though they’re not always the most reliable (just ask anyone who’s ever forgotten an anniversary). So it’s always better to make sure you’ve got the hard copy. And in a digital world, real life gifts like this can feel even more special and thoughtful. There’s no limit to what you can scribble down on your memory tickets, so when the jar fills up and you go digging through this thing, expect a few surprises.
According to a 2019 Harris Poll, almost a quarter of Americans would choose pizza if they could only eat one food for the rest of their lives. Sixty-five percent think pizza is a suitable breakfast item, and forty percent would give up dating for a year in exchange for free pizza anytime they wanted. This pizza oven is for outdoor use, is portable, and fueled by wood, charcoal, or pellets and can reach a temperature of 930 degrees Fahrenheit. Oven walls, ceiling and floor are fully insulated.
Their very own Tyrannosaurus skeleton. Enough said. It fits all occasions, and those who disagree can take it up with the dinosaur. Help them earn a reputation as the coolest person in the neighborhood, and when holidays swing around, wrapping it in lights and adding a hat can only earn you Alpha Friend status.
Hats have long been used as a means to hide a balding scalp, both from the painful effects of solar radiation and the equally loathsome fate of public judgment. But no longer are they merely for concealment. Thanks to the ingenuity of medical engineers, they are now also a means of treatment. What the hydroponic growth box is to the tomato, this cap is to the poor cranium suffering from thinning coverage. A dual-purpose fashion accessory if there ever was one.
For years we’ve been using tracking devices to follow the comings and goings of our pets, children, enemies, and myriad suspicious characters who pass through our neighborhoods. It’s about time that we re-apply the tools of our paranoia to everyday objects. This small tracker can be affixed to any of your valuable possessions (including yourself if you so desire), allowing those objects to be quickly and easily located using the associated mobile app. Sure, it won’t help you find your moral compass or your purpose in life, but it will help you find the TV remote.
These pepper boxes are for responsible cooks who are ready for the big leagues. Beware of gifting this to the oblivious or to anyone with a penchant for practical jokes — this is one serious box of flame. But for the true spice connoisseur, the assortment of capsaicin fury contained in each shipment unlocks a whole world of culinary experimentation. For most of us, hot is just hot. But for someone who understands the subtle differences between the many chili pepper varietals (or is interested in learning), some next level tongue magic awaits.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
At age 38, Phil Ivey became the youngest player to win 10 World Series of Poker bracelets. Now the man known for his enigmatic table presence—and widely regarded as the world’s best all-around poker player—gives you unprecedented access to his mental game. Learn poker strategy, pick up new poker tips, and review hands with the player who’s won more than $26 million in live tournament earnings.
Take a friend back to their glory days on the streets of Hong Kong with this authentic bubble waffle maker. All they have to do is fill this bad boy with their favorite waffle batter, close the lid, and within a few minutes they’ve got their very own homemade version of one of the world’s most iconic street foods. Add in a stockpile of cheap batter and a few cases of whipped cream, and this could literally keep them alive for years.
The Western world is in a crisis of discarded honor, dubious integrity, and faux manliness. It is time to recover what we have lost. Stephen Mansfield shows us the way. Working with timeless maxims and stirring examples of manhood from ages past, Mansfield issues a trumpet call of manliness fit for our times.
Massive upper body strength may not be the prime evolutionary strategy it used to be, but it’s still fun. The problem is, those old jazzercise DVDs from the 90s just won’t cut it if they’re looking to really pump up those pythons. The good news is that they don’t need a massive set of iron weights like you’ll find at a commercial gym. All they need is a sturdy apparatus that allows them to move their own carcass around. This badboy will help them build a set of guns that even the NRA will be scared of.
Made by Rawlings, this chair is crafted in the form of a gargantuan baseball glove, upholstered entirely with the same exceptional leather as the mitts used by professional ballplayers. The leather for this chair is selected from the top 5% of steer hides in the Midwestern U.S.—the same as used in Rawlings’ acclaimed “Heart of the Hide” baseball glove. Leveraging Rawlings’ 125 years of experience making quality sporting goods, each chair is built to order by master craftsman in the company’s St. Louis facility, who assemble the all-wood frame by hand. The chair is upholstered front and back, padded with furniture-grade foam, and rests on a solid mahogany base. Authentic details add to the chair’s convincing realism, from the 34 aluminum grommets and 30' of leather lacing wound through the fingers, to the Rawlings name branded in the “heel” of the glove. An included removable 12" square armrest is made from the same top-quality leather. The outside of the thumb can be personalized with a name up to 16 characters.
Who needs photorealism when you can have the charming warmth of skillful human error? There is something undeniably touching about having an artist recreate your image by hand using the old-time tools of long-gone artistic masters. After all, any old fool can press a shutter button and spit out a photo of your homely mug. It really means something that another person was willing to stare at that photo for hours while they painstakingly recreated your form by hand, imbuing it with all the personality and living charisma of your aura. Help someone you love celebrate a cherished moment the old fashioned way.
Nothing makes your luggage stand out against all the other schmucks’ tattered old raggedy bags like a shiny brass luggage tag. The perfect gift for the sophisticated globetrotter who likes to travel in style. Use up to five lines of text to list their name, address, phone number, favorite superhero, spirit animal, most embarrassing moment — whatever they (or you) want to permanently engrave. The most distinguished way to keep the grubby little hands of the unwashed masses off their personal belongings at the airport.
Insomniacs often say they’ve tried everything in order to get to sleep. But in reality, how many insomniacs have ever tried hypnotizing themselves with a pulsating blue light? Well, here’s your chance to call bullsh*t on them. Making use of an age-old meditative technique, the insomniac sleep inducer helps people enter the land of a thousand winks by synchronizing and slowly lowering the frequency of their breathing. After that, it’s nothing but hours of the old snoozy-woozy.
Summer is the season when you start trading all that time you spend indoors getting drunk for time outdoors getting drunk. But if you’re like most people, you probably don’t feel like your furniture supports you in this venture. And a simple survey of the industry reveals a regrettable lack of beer-dedicated lawnware. At the end of the day, the outdoor brew lover doesn’t ask for much — just a table with a couple of can/bottle holder slots, a bottle opener, and a spot for some snacks. Thankfully, someone was listening. Here is their elegant answer.
Chocolate and chili peppers go together much better than one might suspect. But chocolate and intense pain? That’s definitely a niche combination, one that takes a special kind of nonstandard personality to relish. Chances are, you know at least one such pathological eater. Not everyone is looking to be “challenged” by their chocolate, but to some of our more adventurous mouth masochists, that probably sounds like heaven. Just don’t blame us if this turns out to be a gateway to snorting wasabi.
No light shines as bright as the light of wisdom. Even better if that wisdom is delivered in weird syntax that makes you stop what you’re doing to figure out what you’re being told. That is, after all, Yoda’s whole schtick. Clever little bastard. This intricately crafted lamp includes one of his best-known motivational slogans — imploring the world, more or less, to “just do it.” Seriously, if you know any over-the-top Star Wars fans, just get this for them. It’s as close to a can’t miss gift as you’ll ever find.
The results are in, and it’s pretty unanimous: a good memory foam mattress means way better sleep. And rested humans are way nicer to each other, laugh more, and start fewer wars. And in case no one has told you, wars are bad for marriage. So when you consider all of the implications of buying a memory foam mattress, you start to see that it’s one of the greatest peacekeeping investments you can make.
There are plenty of ways that couples grow closer, become more alike, and eventually merge into a single organism. Girding your loins with the same fabric is one of them. It’s as natural as adopting each other’s vocabulary, sharing your mannerisms, learning to eat new foods, and eventually starting to look like each other. This is the normal progression of life, and this is the brand that would like to help you take the next step.
It’s a good bet that more of us would stop to smell the roses if they were made out of beef jerky. “But,” you say, “if they were made of beef jerky then they wouldn’t be roses.” Well, that’s where you’re wrong. And that’s the beauty of human ingenuity. When one of us has a great idea, we can all benefit. And rest assured, much happiness will be experienced due to this magical invention. If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s appropriate to buy a man flowers, now you’ve got your answer.
Traveling together can be a bonding experience. But if you’re going to be seen together, isn’t it time they lose that 1970s mustard colored softshell leather suitcase? Come on, you can be honest — it’s a little embarrassing. So help them join the 21st century with a decent luggage set. But on the other hand, maybe you’re not interested in traveling together at all. Maybe a new luggage set is just a nice way of saying, “Would you please go somewhere far away for a while?” It’s great for that too.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
There’s nothing better than when someone goes and solves a problem you didn’t know you had, without even being asked. Such is the case with this pocket knife style key organizer. Among the benefits afforded by this ingenious device are increased pocked comfort, improved aesthetics, and the ability to slip into one’s house soundlessly, like a thief. It’s really superior to the old-style keychain in every conceivable way. With this ultra-durable and lightweight key organizer made of aircraft aluminum, they’ll be soaring high on the winds of convenience and comfort.
However you like to get down, it’s always better when you do it big. If you’re buying for someone who has the floor space to handle it, this mat will transform their exercise area into a padded arena fit for all manner of physical pursuits, from dance to martial arts to pilates and beyond. No more bumps, bruises, scrapes, or carpet burn. No more eating concrete when they take a dive out of frog pose during the weekly yoga session. Just pure padded bliss for the physical enthusiast.
Technology has been an ongoing boon to music makers and music lovers alike, but the downside is that anyone with a personal music collection has had a rough time keeping up over the last forty years or so. A 7-in-1 music player (AM, FM, CD, vinyl, cassette, bluetooth, and auxiliary in) allows them to get some use out of all that accumulated music without needing a room full of stereo equipment.
For many people, using chopsticks is a skill that defies mastery. Like a hopeful Zen master sitting in the forest year after year, trying to hear the sound of one hand clapping, time after time the hapless chopsticker comes up empty. Even after years of dedicated effort, the Hunan style broccoli cascades back to the plate long before it reaches the lips. So once again, The Force comes to the rescue. These are the only chopsticks that carry The Force. At long last, problem solved.
One of the biggest problems with being in public is there are so many things you’re either required or tempted to touch. Door handles, ATM touchscreens, animals, garbage…the list is practically endless. And it’s all contaminated with a never-ending litany of biological hazards and impurities. Germs, chemicals, and various bodily fluids are liberally smeared upon all the surfaces of our civilization. This keychain multitool is the gift from the gods of hygiene we’ve all been waiting for.
This is essentially a big book full of trivia questions you’ll never be asked. But really, what is this obsession with “useful” knowledge? As they say, one man’s mental treasure is another’s cranial garbage. So when it comes to knowledge, quality and usefulness are always subjective. If you know someone who enjoys filling their head with obscure, bizarre, thought-provoking, and silly crap that nobody else cares about, this volume could be their new bible.
In case you haven’t gotten the memo, we’re basically wrong about everything, and here’s the proof. Even the stuff you’re pretty sure you know is mostly wrong. And we’re not talking about getting complex math problems wrong or misjudging the character of your friends. We’re talking about basic, simple facts in topics like history and science — the stuff you’re supposed to learn in school. Yeah, it was all a big bundle of lies and misunderstandings. And if you look back over your life, perhaps that explains a lot.
Way back when, Japanese noblemen used to wrap their feet in expensive fish to flaunt their wealth to the lower classes. The practice eventually stopped for two reasons: 1) society came to see it as disrespectful toward those who struggled to feed themselves, and 2) it made their feet smell even worse. But history repeats itself and fashion trends always make a comeback. These sushi-patterned socks offer all of the benefits of the old fish-foot tradition, and none of the less desirable social aspects.