Every big shot needs a set of these to take their big shots from. Help them flex their drinking muscles or show their military/hunting roots. A perfect gift for that person who really goes in for the kill at the drinkin’ hour.
Nothing quite makes an impression like someone who has a giant tool and knows how to handle it. Get everybody within a half-mile radius drunk in one fell swoop with this absurdly proportioned mixology shaker. A brain-cell smiter of truly biblical proportions.
Surely you’ve got plenty of memories to mark the passage of time together, but it’s good to have some numbers to back up your feelings. And it’ll be interesting to see the look on your spouse/partner’s face when they’re confronted with the irrefutable evidence that yes, you really have been together for an absurdly large number of days. But even more than that, a Days Together mug serves as a reminder of the substantial investment you’ve both made. In economics they refer to it as “sunk cost,” and it’s a healthy motivator.
The morning drinker: one of the most misunderstood fellow citizens. Once imbued with the spark of firewater, they can do anything, especially if it’s delivered with the bold energy rush of caffeine. You think we should eradicate morning drinking? Well, you can kiss all your favorite novels goodbye then, because all great authors are drunk by 10 am. But I guess if you want to try tricking someone out of their morning cup of whiskey, this would be the best way.
In truth, we’ve all got a jar of romantic memories in our brains, though they’re not always the most reliable (just ask anyone who’s ever forgotten an anniversary). So it’s always better to make sure you’ve got the hard copy. And in a digital world, real life gifts like this can feel even more special and thoughtful. There’s no limit to what you can scribble down on your memory tickets, so when the jar fills up and you go digging through this thing, expect a few surprises.
Their very own Tyrannosaurus skeleton. Enough said. It fits all occasions, and those who disagree can take it up with the dinosaur. Help them earn a reputation as the coolest person in the neighborhood, and when holidays swing around, wrapping it in lights and adding a hat can only earn you Alpha Friend status.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
Take a friend back to their glory days on the streets of Hong Kong with this authentic bubble waffle maker. All they have to do is fill this bad boy with their favorite waffle batter, close the lid, and within a few minutes they’ve got their very own homemade version of one of the world’s most iconic street foods. Add in a stockpile of cheap batter and a few cases of whipped cream, and this could literally keep them alive for years.
If they had the choice, they’d probably put a whole arcade in their basement. Unfortunately, the available space for games is probably finite. But people are used to instant gratification, and we don’t like to have to choose. So instead of curing cancer, some magnificent genius has dedicated his superior brainpower to figuring out how to fit two of the most popular tabletop games of all time into the space of one. Now that’s what we call capitalism.
For serious fans only, this 25th Anniversary commemorative photo collage is anchored by a reproduction of the original movie poster signed by the movie’s biggest stars — Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, and Francis Ford Coppola — surrounded by images of the film’s most famous scenes. Under the watchful gaze of the Corleones, no ill happenings can befall the owner of this vintage cinema art. A fantastic gift for famiglia e amici alike.
Nothing makes your luggage stand out against all the other schmucks’ tattered old raggedy bags like a shiny brass luggage tag. The perfect gift for the sophisticated globetrotter who likes to travel in style. Use up to five lines of text to list their name, address, phone number, favorite superhero, spirit animal, most embarrassing moment — whatever they (or you) want to permanently engrave. The most distinguished way to keep the grubby little hands of the unwashed masses off their personal belongings at the airport.
Insomniacs often say they’ve tried everything in order to get to sleep. But in reality, how many insomniacs have ever tried hypnotizing themselves with a pulsating blue light? Well, here’s your chance to call bullsh*t on them. Making use of an age-old meditative technique, the insomniac sleep inducer helps people enter the land of a thousand winks by synchronizing and slowly lowering the frequency of their breathing. After that, it’s nothing but hours of the old snoozy-woozy.
No light shines as bright as the light of wisdom. Even better if that wisdom is delivered in weird syntax that makes you stop what you’re doing to figure out what you’re being told. That is, after all, Yoda’s whole schtick. Clever little bastard. This intricately crafted lamp includes one of his best-known motivational slogans — imploring the world, more or less, to “just do it.” Seriously, if you know any over-the-top Star Wars fans, just get this for them. It’s as close to a can’t miss gift as you’ll ever find.
The results are in, and it’s pretty unanimous: a good memory foam mattress means way better sleep. And rested humans are way nicer to each other, laugh more, and start fewer wars. And in case no one has told you, wars are bad for marriage. So when you consider all of the implications of buying a memory foam mattress, you start to see that it’s one of the greatest peacekeeping investments you can make.
There are plenty of ways that couples grow closer, become more alike, and eventually merge into a single organism. Girding your loins with the same fabric is one of them. It’s as natural as adopting each other’s vocabulary, sharing your mannerisms, learning to eat new foods, and eventually starting to look like each other. This is the normal progression of life, and this is the brand that would like to help you take the next step.
Traveling together can be a bonding experience. But if you’re going to be seen together, isn’t it time they lose that 1970s mustard colored softshell leather suitcase? Come on, you can be honest — it’s a little embarrassing. So help them join the 21st century with a decent luggage set. But on the other hand, maybe you’re not interested in traveling together at all. Maybe a new luggage set is just a nice way of saying, “Would you please go somewhere far away for a while?” It’s great for that too.