A neater and less aggressive alternative to pie face humiliation, a homemade cake is the perfect canvas for emotional expression. A simple message delivered on a delectable baked treat is a classic sendoff that will soothe a loved one’s tummy and make light of an otherwise heart-wrenching situation. Simple is almost always best, and sugar never fails to please, so get out those mixing bowls, stir up a yummy dessert and bid farewell with sweetness!
Nothing makes you feel more at home in a foreign place than knowing the right way to tell someone to go f*ck himself. Don’t let a traveler you know venture off into the great unknown without arming them first with this essential guidebook. No matter where you end up on this great planet of ours, respect follows those who command the rough outer edges of the language.
Do you have a friend with a wandering spirit that often gets them into trouble? Give that gypsy some direction with this classic navigational piece that might teach them a thing or two about geographic points and the Earth’s magnetic field. A gracious nod to the days of ticking pocket watches and prized lockets, this exceptional accessory will accentuate their courageous approach to life and make them an even greater standout in a sea of aimless copycats and frivolous explorers.
A visual display of a prolific traveler’s cartographic conquests, this map comes alive as they scratch away each region visited. Modern modes of transport have made the world a very small place. Checking into each sovereign nation on earth is within the realm of possibility for anyone with moderate wealth and an abundance of time. Here’s the wall art to help them prove it.
Treat that special someone to a night of unbridled fun and mildly sinful exploits. Give those screaming bachelorette partygoers a run for their money and don’t head home until you spot a few ladies of the night. This final outing has got to break some records and brand a few amazing memories onto their brain before fleeing the scene of the crime and trading in this life for another more exciting undertaking. Pack a few party favors for the crew as well as a reliable, fully charged device to document the evening. Break-a-dawn, baby!
Is your going-away gift budget topping out at $5 … including taxes? Fear not—this handy-dandy idea is a homerun for the less-than-crafty set. Just raid your parents’, grandparents’ or your own trunk for something called an “atlas.” (A local map once used for scouting yard sales will also work.) Grab your toddler’s scissors or some comparable shears to cut out an accurate shape of the state. Then pull out those five big ones and purchase a simple frame to house your creation. Voilà!
Each city has its own stories, food, entertainment, landmarks, and vengeful spirits. Help them settle in by experiencing these things firsthand under the guidance of an informed expert. No matter how far away their new home may be, they’ll be a grizzled and knowledgeable old local by night’s end.
Your heart might feel like it’s in a million pieces right now, but it’s nothing one crack of a crispy cookie can’t fix! Karma has a funny way of working itself inside these sweet, sesame-laden delights, and truth be told, a spectacular streak is on the horizon. Go ahead and take that special someone out for a satiating meal of the finest local Chinese food and surprise them with fifty of these prophecy-filled treats. Saying goodbye isn’t easy, but sometimes that’s how the cookie crumbles.
These candles are formulated to smell like your home state. Good thing nobody told them that when you’re home all you really smell is burned turkey and your brother-in-law’s beer farts. This is more like the idealized version of your home smell, the kind of false memory someone wants to take with them when they leave.
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
The dual computer screen is one of today’s uber-nerd status symbols. Let the investment bankers have their Rolls Royces and the pimps their gold plated canes. The pinnacle of luxury living for a gamer is a super high resolution dual screen, so they can engage in some next level merkage (gamer slang). But it’s not just for video game junkies. Plenty of professionals have sworn off the single screen setup for good, pledging their allegiance to the gods of multi-tasking.
They say change always starts with the person in the mirror. But when you look into this mirror, you actually see two people. There’s you, and then there’s someone else in way better shape who’s trying to get you to do things you might not really feel like doing. And that’s not just any old fit person who’s goading you on — it’s an elite personal trainer from a top gym. So you better listen. This is the perfect workout gift for someone who needs that little bit of extrinsic motivation, but is narcissistic enough to kind of like staring at themselves while they work out. So, pretty much everybody.
A virtual cooking class with Gordon Ramsay is a chance to learn from a culinary master without the yelling and food punching you've seen on TV. His MasterClass lessons feature the seven-star Michelin chef in his home kitchen teaching everything from kitchen setup, buying ingredients, prepping, plating, and pairing restaurant quality recipes that wow guests. Crispy duck with red endive and spinach anyone?
Sleep Pod is a first-of-its-kind sleep solution designed around the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy that can help you fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer. Sleep Pod applies a gentle, calming pressure to your entire body, much like a hug. This helps to reduce anxiety and gets you ready for sleep.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
So many of your household appliances would be better if they weren’t fixed in place. Wouldn’t you sometimes like to bake in the backyard? Do the laundry on your roof deck? And what about the toilet? Wouldn’t you like to…well, never mind. For now, we’ve got the inflatable hot tub. Move it, deflate and store it, set it back up and inflate it in three minutes whenever it’s needed.
