Retirement parties are all about giving thanks for the hard work, companionship, support, and dedication the retiree has given over the years. And for the inappropriate jokes too — the never-ending inappropriate jokes. A guest book is the perfect way to let all those people your beloved retiree has touched over the years (hopefully metaphorically) leave their well-wishes and share their favorite memories. Besides, as old as they are, they probably won’t remember half of what anyone says to them at the party, so it’s better to have a written record.
If our digitally interconnected world is good for one thing, it’s raising other people’s money. In the age of Facebook, Patreon, and Kickstarter, nobody has to go it alone anymore. They might have a nice nest egg already, but why not sweeten the pot a little? With PlumFund you can raise money for a retirement gift so you can keep more of your own.
The classic party game where everyone either reveals reputation-demolishing secrets about their past or shamelessly lies to save face. Depending on the temperament of the various participants, it can make for an hour or so of good-natured ribbing, or it can devolve into closet doors being flung open to reveal hideous skeletons beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. In other words, it’s rip-roaring fun. But depending on your own personal history, you may want to sit this one out.
Here's a gift for the older person struggling to keep up with all the latest texting lingo the young whipper-snappers are using. Much of it doesn't really apply to them anyway, unless they were to write something like "ROFL and can't get up" which should really be written ROFLACGU. Here's a set of senior texting codes that will make a whole lot more sense to them, conveniently printed as a cheat sheet on this handy coffee mug. They'll find plenty of useful shortcuts like BTW (bring the wheelchair), BFF (best friend's funeral), and WTFA (wet the furniture again).
The professional world is frought with uncertainty, and we all need a backup plan. That plan is, and always has been, gold! While we've been toiling away to make ends meet, the smart folks have been in the hills filling up their pockets with precious metals. And having a blast doing it.
It’s only fair to let people know what they’re getting into. You would consider it par for the course to warn people about a dog with a habit of biting people, wouldn’t you? So why not hang a sign that warns about the inevitable consequences of wandering into the lair of the retiree? At least then there is no doubt as to whose fault it is when some hapless soul gets subjected to hours of “education” on every topic from politics to bird migration patterns.
Neckties are the corsets of the corporate world. But instead of making you look sexy it just feels like you’re being strangled by a very weak person. After this goes on for decades at a time, it’s understandable that some hostility might build up, even if that daily strangler was placed there time and again by one’s own hand. Emotional projection can be a healthy retirement gift.
Day to day life can get a little lonely for some retirees who are used to interacting with lots of people in the workplace. Why not give them a new friend to talk to? Alexa will never grow tired of their conversations and is always willing to endure their pointless anecdotes.
It can be overwhelming, after years of keeping a strict schedule, to suddenly have to manage your own time. Give a new retiree the gift of structure by having their coworkers fill their schedule for them. It will be nice to have a slew of activities to fill their suddenly voluminous free time, but the best part may be the satisfaction of blowing off people who have been annoying the crap out of them for years.
Retirement is the time to finally live large, and these jumbo retirement cards are a great way to deliver a big message. They’re also big on laughs, and, well, they’re just really big. It’s almost like a really funny book with no pages, just a front and back cover. They’re great for the kinds of offices where everybody is always trying to one-up everyone else, or where you have to scream to get attention. Save your vocal cords this time and let a big (like, really big), funny (like, extra funny) card do the talking.
Give the gift of fat stacks of cash with this genuine bundle of real fake US currency. This prop money looks good enough to fool even the most discerning filmgoer, and makes a fun gift for a retiree who is about to discover life on a fixed income.
You could just get them a gift card to a spa or for a massage, but why not go for a more interesting experience like cryotherapy? It’s basically a box you get into to get blasted by ridiculously cold air for a short period of time. Advocates say that the treatment rejuvenates the body and helps repair tissue damage. If your town doesn't have a cryotherapy place yet you could try a bathtub full of ice and a big fan.
You have no idea how weird the world is. Yeah, we know, you’ve seen your 400 lb next door neighbor dancing to the Bee Gees in his underwear through the front window at 2 in the morning. Take our word for it: that’s nothing. Anyone with a touch of wanderlust and an appreciation for the bizarre will cherish this book.
Here are two things we know about old retired men: 1) They like to play golf. 2) They have to pee a lot more often than younger folk. The golf club urinal solves the second thing so they can focus on the first. It even comes with a towel so nobody gets arrested.
Once you’ve got a few (hundred thousand) miles on your bones, low-impact exercise is the way to go. A swim routine is the best tonic for those aching, sagging muscles. But old people tend to get lost easily, so you probably don’t want to drop them at the lake and let them swim off. Better to find a nice pool with a little bit of supervision.
It’s never too late to learn new tricks. The great American safety net isn’t quite what it was cracked up to be, and retirees get to learn that when the social security checks come rolling in. But don’t feel sorry for them. Hobos have been getting by on far less for as long as anyone can remember. Time to put together a nice starter kit.
You might think that retirement is all relaxation, making this kind of gift redundant. Boy, would you be wrong. There’s all that yard work, all those coupons to clip, and all those young people running around acting a fool. Retirement is just as full of annoyance and monotony as anything else. A spa gift card is worth its weight in gold.
Retirement is all about finding a new perspective. After many decades of being earthbound, everything probably looks about the same from down here. A helicopter ride gives you a unique viewpoint, both above and up-close, letting you see things the way few people get to see them. It’s probably the closest they’ll ever get to being a superhero.
Retired people love to travel, and they love it even more if they get to do it with someone they love. So plan a trip and bring them along! You get to decide where to go and what to do, while they can do what retired people do best: RELAX.
Back in the old days you were really rolling the dice when you chose a hotel. Either you called blindly after skimming the phone book or simply drove all night and hoped you saw a vacancy sign before you ran out of gas and got murdered by a vagrant. A hotels.com gift card is not just a way of picking up the tab for a night’s stay; it’s also the priceless gift of peace of mind.
Help someone get away and recharge in a faraway place where nobody knows them and they can act however they want with virtually no longstanding social repercussions. Because when things get tough, evacuation is usually the only solution.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
Freedom from unwanted responsibility is great, but the truth is that feeding ducks gets old after a while, even if you really like ducks. Movies take a lot longer to get old, but they’re not cheap. A little head start would certainly be appreciated.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to learn from the best in the world? This is the idea behind MasterClass. A wide range of courses designed and taught by some of the most famous, renowned, and respected luminaries in fields as diverse as cooking, guitar playing, negotiation (hostage or otherwise), fiction writing, film making, and gardening, just to name a few. You can give a single class as a gift or a subscription for all of them.
How to Pick the Right Retirement Gifts
Buying great retirement gifts for your boss, coworker, mentor, friend, or family member doesn’t have to be a chore. The best way to delight someone who’s about to embark on the grand adventure of retirement is to pick a gift that shows how much you appreciate all the hard work they put in, and that shows some thoughtfulness too.
Retirement signals a massive life change, and different people react to it in different ways. Choosing a meaningful retirement gift is all about showing that you cared enough to buy something that will make their life better after work.
But we know it can be hard. So if you’re trying to come up with personalized retirement gift ideas and you find yourself stumped, check out the lists we’ve put together below. You’ll surely find something that does the trick.
Sentimental Retirement Gifts
Sentimental items can make meaningful gifts if you pull them off the right way. That doesn’t mean you have to try and make them cry, thought that might be fun too. Just dig in to this list and pull out a big ol’ handful of “Aw, shucks.”
Retirement Gifts to Keep Them Busy
After being told what to do for years and years, retirement can be disorienting. Help them find their bearings again with these unique gift ideas perfect for retiring men or women.
Funny Retirement Gifts
Funny gifts are a great choice for that coworker you shared a few guffaws with over the years. They also make great parting gifts for the boss you banged heads with, just to show there’s no hard feelings (now that you won’t have to look at their stupid face anymore). It’s always better to go out with a laugh, so have at ‘er.
Travel & Relaxation Gifts
Retirement is a great time to do all the things they wanted to do for the last several decades but couldn’t because they were shackled by the loving arms of capitalism. Here is a quick list of gifts that will help them undo a lifetime of stress and responsibility.