Aggression sometimes gets a bad name, but the truth is that it’s only dangerous if misdirected. Many things in life should be aggressively pursued, such as happiness, growth, meaning, contribution — all of the warm and fuzzy stuff you see on posters. However, some people also feel the impulse to aggressively pursue verbal confrontation, or worse, opportunities to punch other people’s faces. For these folks, alternative avenues of release are really helpful. Here’s an opportunity to bring one of these alternative avenues to the most stressful environment of all: the workplace.
Back in 1905, a Swiss laborer had a sandwich and some absinthe for lunch, then went home and killed his family. And that was it for absinthe. A classic case of overreaction. Now it’s more than a hundred years later, and absinthe is again the trendiest liquor in the world. You might as well jump into the deep end. Here’s the diving board.
Don’t just give them one piece of art, build them a gallery. We’re not expecting you to go and build an actual gallery complete with gift shop but we think they’ll be just as impressed with this gift. A digital art museum lets them curate a unique art collection and makes the perfect gift for any art enthusiast. They can even upload their own artistic creations if they’re handy with a paintbrush themselves.
Pepper is an in-your-face spice, and its essence has nothing to do with subtlety. Here is the perfect vessel for the preeminent seasoning at the table. Let this beautifully crafted ebony grinder tower over the other lowly flavors, including its eternal rival, salt. Any other symbolism we’ll leave up to your imagination.
Bacon is the official food of the month, every month of the year. Now somebody has gone a step further and made a delivery service with a special kind of bacon for every month. Every time we go a level deeper with bacon it just gets better. Rumor has it Elon Musk is working on a bacon replicating machine. It’s about time he did something useful.
Sometimes a mirror just isn’t enough. You’ve heard it said that you are what you eat, so it stands to reason that it’s easier to digest things that already look like you. The selfie toaster is here to revolutionize your relationship to food.
The original smart speaker and still the reigning king (or queen) of the market, the Amazon Echo invented a new category and has been dominating it ever since. The Echo’s virtual assistant, Alexa, is kind of like Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, except she’ll never kill your friends and lock you out of the house to die.
Amazon’s indoor security camera includes night vision for around-the-clock surveillance and links up with Alexa right out of the box, so you can pull up your video feed with the sound of your voice anytime you want. Cloud cam subscription allows expanded clip storage and more sophisticated alert features. Two-way audio allows you to startle the crap out of unsuspecting guests.
The Ring Video Doorbell is an invaluable tool for anyone looking to avoid unnecessary human contact. Because whether it’s a door-to-door salesman, that weird kleptomaniac kid from next door, or your Mother-in-Law, answering the front door in person can lead to all kinds of awkward encounters and sometimes even property damage. This is the electronic doorman you’ve always dreamed of.
The idea that your home appliances are now studying and learning your habits might sound a little creepy. But this thing is really only trying to save you money. And no matter what you heard, it can’t read your thoughts. Unless you want it to.
For centuries artisans have toiled away, diligently refining their skills until becoming masters, so that they can create exquisitely detailed work of the highest craftsmanship. Well, there’s a much easier way now. 3d printing technology has rapidly advanced over the past few years, to the point that they’ve begun printing just about anything. Even houses. The kind people live in. We’re not suggesting that you need to invest in a home-building 3d printer, as those are rather large and might be out of your budget. But 3d printing can be used for all kinds of smaller things as well, from artistic models to home furnishings. And 3d printers are really fun to play with. If you know someone who needs a new hobby to keep them out of trouble, this could be just the thing. And if they’re lucky enough to get this as a gift from you, you will in turn be the recipient of printed thingamajigs for the rest of your time on Earth.
Nobody wants to be forced to act responsibly at a barbecue. That defeats the purpose. Yet the grilltender holds everyone’s happiness hostage to his attention span. After five or six beers that doesn’t work so well. This wireless grill thermometer will send an alert to your phone that the steak you’re ignoring is ready for your mouth.
The Fire TV Stick is an ultra-portable, ultra-affordable alternative to the full Amazon Fire TV setup. It may not deliver 4k UHD and it might not handle all of the video games that the big kahuna does, but you get all of the same TV shows and movies in full 1080p HD, at a price that makes it hard to beat.
Are you being watched as you read this? Is your every move being documented for later use against you in the form of blackmail or worse? Probably. And that paranoid friend who’s always going on and on about being watched? They’re most likely right too. But now there’s something they can do about it. With a hidden camera detector, they can foil the plans of even the most ingenious spies, rapscallions, government agents, and other invaders of privacy. A necessary weapon in the modern digital jungle.
Many trying situations call for the deployment of a nice chunk of whoop-ass, yet people who find themselves in such situations rarely have a fresh can handy. We urge you to buy these cans in bulk and give them to everyone you care about - you can rest assured they will be put to good use. Give one to someone for one of those times when their back is against the wall, the boss is breathing down their neck, they can’t catch a break, and all the other clichés are bearing down on them at the same time. Pop this baby open - it’s like a cheat code for real life.
If you’re going to make use of a hideous cliche, you might as well own it. In fact, go ahead and wear it. Better yet, give it to someone else to wear, and see if they have the cojones to pull it off. Sure, the company Christmas party is the safe place to bust this thing out. But do they have the guts to rock this in February? If so, you’ve got a real killer on your hands.
If you enjoy the world-renowned photography of National Geographic, you’re going to love this calendar. Walmart may be a historic case-study in ruthless bottom-line economics, but it’s most remarkable as the central gathering place for the rarest specimens of rural America. Darwin may have reconsidered his fancy theory if he had one of these handy.
Our brains are already wrong about plenty of things, so there’s no harm in throwing some flavor confusion on top of the mess of sensory data. Actually, it’s really fun. And considering that water is basically tasteless and really couldn’t be any more boring, this is a perfect way to spice up the act of hydration. Sort of like potable virtual reality, but not really. It just makes your water taste different. Isn’t that enough?
Some might consider it the ultimate display of human privilege to begin claiming faraway stars just because we have a few extra dollars in our pockets. But once you realize that the universe is far bigger than you think it is, you’ll cool off a little. There’s more than enough to go around for everybody. Several billion times over. So go ahead and give someone a little piece of the cosmic pie. Nothing to get all riled up about.
Watch opposing armies fight for supremacy on the living room wall with this piece of functional art. Grandmasters and novice players alike will appreciate checking their opponents on the most unique game board in their home. Framed like a picture, this chessboard makes a unique present for anyone who loves to play games.
Inside every high achiever is a bored, distracted child just waiting to pop out like a jack-in-the-box as soon as it sees an opportunity. One of the hidden benefits of the corner office is the privacy that allows the occupier of that office to play with whatever they want while the door is closed. A golden slinky carries the right amount of gravitas for a man or woman of power, and it’s far from the most embarrassing thing they could be caught playing with if someone opens the door unexpectedly.
Lottery tickets are a great gift you can pick up at your local convenience store, that come with a serious upside. If they win big you may get a piece of the action. Lottery tickets are often things that people won't buy for themselves, believing that they never win anything, but who could help but get their hopes up when you present them with a dozen chances to strike it rich and travel the world in a super yacht?
If you think that intoxicating substances and baseball don’t mix, consider that Doc Ellis once pitched a no-hitter while tripping on acid, and old time icons like Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth, and Harry Caray were pretty much drunk all the time. This unique and meticulously crafted centerpiece is more proof of the divine intersection between the national pastime and…the other national pastime.
People who get into studying their family’s genealogy can get really into it. The simple family tree keeps expanding, with every branch having a story to tell, and it can take decades of research to learn about it all. Why not give them the gift of a start on that journey while they are young enough to complete it someday?
For the true art connoisseur, sometimes a poster reproduction of a famous work just isn’t enough. And no, you’re not going to fool them with a “really nice” giclée print off Amazon. These are real, one-of-a-kind, straight from the hand of the artist genuine pieces. Whether it’s a canvas painting, a piece of modernist furniture, or an $18,000 metal balloon dog, there’s something for everyone here (and, believe it or not, for any budget if you’re willing to dig a little).
You didn’t think Amazon was going to stay out of the streaming game, did you? The main reason to buy an Amazon Fire TV over the competitors? It integrates with Alexa, Amazon’s virtual assistant. So if she’s been running your house for a while, keep her happy by making sure this is your streaming device.
If m&ms were a person, you would have choked the crap out of them by now because all they do is say the same thing over and over again. Thankfully, we now live in the infinitely customizable iCulture, where you don’t have to put up with that kind of nonsense anymore. Say everything you ever wanted to say, in the sweetest way possible.
The ultimate guide to what they should have learned already, with a title that communicates what you can’t bring yourself to say out loud. The world may be a nicer place than the one you grew up in, but it still can’t help punishing dumbasses. Help them get it together.
Just give it to them. Don’t make a big deal about it, or give them diet books or a lecture or anything like that. They know. They have figured out for themselves that their body is not quite the well-tuned machine that it once was. Just give the Fitbit, and leave the rest to them.
A first impression is a dominant factor in shaping perception. A hilarious doormat begins that process even before eye contact is made. Help them ingratiate themselves with party guests, traveling salesmen, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and whoever else happens to stumble upon their threshold. A little personality never hurt anyone.
Sure, we lived for hundreds of thousands of years without electricity, but that’s not the point. The next time they’re in the middle of baking a casserole and a squirrel falls in the wires at the power plant, don’t make them resort to eating lettuce and raw cookie dough for dinner. Every house needs one of these.
The first time they filled the basement with batteries was just before the Y2k crisis. Or if they’re old enough, perhaps during the cold war. In both cases, nothing really happened. But maybe three times is a charm. Even if the modern world doesn’t collapse on itself, you’ll be giving them peace of mind knowing that their 84 remote controls will always be well fed.
The internet may have trained you not to trust “listicles”, but that shouldn’t stop you from buying this handy book for a new homeowner in your inner circle. Unlike most listicles, this isn’t clickbait - in fact, being a book, it can’t be clicked at all. They have to read it. And after they do, they’ll be a lot smarter about all things home-related. A home should be a source of happiness, pride, and comfort, not an infernal, bottomless money pit. This is the guide to making sure they come out on the right side.
The future of food is all about making weird shapes with your dinner. Or at least that’s what the modernist chefs will have you believe. And some of the things you can make with this molecular gastronomy kit are enough to make you feel like you’re eating with the Jetsons. Spheres, foams, and chocolate spaghetti are a few of the strange treasures that await inside this bizarre culinary kit.
Conventional cookbooks are a longstanding staple of old time kitchens. But accepted as they are, they have a fatal flaw: they were written by total strangers, and therefore deserve to be regarded cynically by sophisticated modern users. The Family Recipes cookbook solves this problem, giving the owner a template that can be filled in with delicious instructions for cookery straight from the hands and minds of trusted kinfolk. Don’t let someone you care about fall prey to the demented culinary whims of some deranged outsider.
There aren’t many aspects of a public restroom that you would like to bring inside your home. In fact, this is probably the only one. The toilet is going to be the dirtiest thing in any house (we hope), so why would anyone want to be putting their hands all over it? A motion sensor activated flushing unit takes care of this problem.
The tactile satisfaction of writing on real paper is still valuable, and many people take notes and capture ideas better when using a pen than when typing in a digital device. The problem is that paper gets lost in desktop jumbles, thrown away accidentally, or eaten by one’s dog. That’s where digital synchronization and storage come in. The cloud never gets accidentally thrown out, and as far as we know, dogs still can’t eat digital information (though they would if they could figure out how).
The fire escape is a staple of the urban landscape. Most people are too scared to use them in an emergency anyway, so they’re really just a decorative addition. At least this one holds your pictures and flower pots. Help someone give their new loft, studio, or suburban mcmansion a gritty, fashion-forward vibe with this unique gift.
So much of golf is a guessing game. They have to estimate the wind, take calculated risks to avoid water and sand hazards, and pace their beer consumption appropriately. A laser range finder at least takes club choice out of the equation. It’s also waterproof, which is great for those times when they feel like hurling it into a creek in a fit of rage. Armed with tools like these, it’s only a matter of time before they take the pro tour by storm.
When he needed to find out where a pipe was, your uncle Len used to punch through the wall and feel around with his hand. No, that wasn’t a dream, he really did that. The man was a neanderthal. These days even neanderthals have smart phones, and this android app lets them find out where pipes, studs, and wires are with no brute force at all. Huzzah.
If they do any 3D modeling or already have a 3D printer, then a 3D scanner is the obvious gift they need. Any small object can be scanned and rendered as a digital 3D textured mesh in full color, ready to be printed. This is the closest thing we’ve got to the Replicator technology we’ve all seen on Star Trek, so in a sense you'll be preparing them for the future for the future, when we’ll be able to print the entire world and everything in it, like real living friends, pets, and loved ones that act exactly as we’d like them to.
In an ideal world, every home would have its own draft beer on tap. If that’s a gift you can afford, then by all means, please get them a draft beer tap. For the rest of us, there is the next best thing. This beer dispenser uses sound waves and pressure to transform any canned or bottled beer into beer you would swear came fresh from the tap.
Kitchen mastery is just as much a science as it is an art. Most people’s understanding of cooking remains superficial, but the culinary scientist sees what everyone else is missing. This laboratory-inspired spice rack proves that even when it comes to food, nerds do it better.
It’s a little surprising that dash cams don’t come standard with all cars, because they’re quite useful. With one of these, they can record accidents, prevent insurance fraud, report weirdos, and publicly ridicule people’s vanity plates. And last but not least, they can even record every last inch of their road trip and mine the footage for Instagram posts. Because above all, the world must see where they’ve been.
Houses are great, but they don’t run themselves. There’s a million and one ways to ruin your property value, break important stuff, and blow yourself up. Don’t let someone you care about go blindly into that death trap.
If you’re looking for a simple techie gadget that will really blow their hair back, this might be just the thing. A single led-studded fan blade creates a hologram-like clock face as it twirls through the air - cooling your room, telling the time, and blowing everyone’s mind all at once. Is it a physical metaphor playing on the idea that time is an illusion? A piece of alien technology? No, it’s really just a cool little gadget, even if it seems like it’s specially designed to freak out cats.
Most people don’t have the patience to search for the right-sized socket to tighten or loosen a bolt, some don’t have the eyesight to read the little numbers and letters that differentiate them, and in many cases they don’t have even the wherewithal to remember where they put those sockets. A universal socket can’t prevent itself from getting lost, but it definitely solves the first two problems. This tool not only adds convenience, it takes a lot of the time out of fixing stuff, because it eliminates the part that involves fumbling around and swearing.
Shish kabob grilling is great, in theory. But the meat always spins when you try to flip it, the veggies fall off, and your hands get burned. That ends today. Flat skewers prevent spinning, the rack gets the food off the grill to prevent sticking, and proper handles protect your skin.
You could buy them a 17 man band that could live in the corner of their den and serenade them every day, or you could just go with this unique piece of furniture that can play 17 instruments at once. Plus this pneumatically controlled Hootenanny can remember how to play 13,000 songs.
You know what they say about so-called cooks who can’t produce real smoke-flavored food: “If he can’t smoke, he must be a joke.” This compact but roomy stainless steel digital smoker lets even the open-air novice produce smoked meats worthy of any barbecue competition, and being a no-fire smoke device, he doesn’t have to worry about burning down the house just to appease the family’s taste buds. And best of all, the digital controls mean there’s no guesswork involved, so it comes out just right every time.
They may know the best recipe for every major Northern Italian, French, and Thai dish ever invented and be able to whip up a soufflé blindfolded, but can they cut a tennis ball in half in mid-air? The truth is, these knives do all the work for you. Or so we’re told. They certainly look better than that Walmart set.
Give frequent travelers the opportunity to regale their house guests with stories of the time they were in wherever. This foam-backed map lets travelers chart their journeys with tiny flags and other markers and can be printed with any message the recipient chooses. A classy gift that looks great in any room.
What could be better for serving drinks at the round table than a knight in shining armor packed full of liquor? This full suit of Gothic plate armor makes your home a castle while also defending guests and homeowners alike from the ravages of thirst. Sword not included.
Nothing makes a home feel unique like incorporating art into its basic function. Modernism is all about austerity and total lack of decoration, and these light switch covers are like a stick in the eye of that architectural philosophy. If you know a steampunk fan who’s decorating their house, they’ll go ape over these. You don’t have to understand. Just trust us.
Only a complete tool gives an empty toolbox as a gift. We know you’re better than that, and you know it too. Enter the Loaded Toolbox — the prime companion of the jack of all trades. This is the classic entry level gift, the rite of passage into handyman or handywoman-hood. Life is a long journey full of creaky door hinges, rusty bolts, and other mechanical nuisances. Give them the tools they need — literally — to navigate this unforgiving landscape.
There’s nothing like a good wood smoking to add some depth and character to meat and vegetable dishes. Unfortunately, you don’t always have a pile of hickory chips in your pocket and a fire pit nearby. This portable infusion smoker is a little magic box of flavor that you can deploy at any time to mimic the authentic smoky taste of food cooked over a smoldering log. It makes every meal just like cooking out over a campfire, without having to worry about things like bears and lyme disease.
Written by James Bond himself (or, you know, an actual real-life spy), this eye-opening book is packed full of genuine, practical tips for self-protection, and is a great present for any loved one or friend. Guaranteed to come in handy during a kidnapping, mugging or zombie apocalypse, you might just save their life one day.
Like the commissioned public statues of old, the most revered among us are now immortalized in bobblehead form. In fact, being commemorated with a bobblehead is one of the highest honors that a modern man or woman can aspire to. Surely you know someone who is worthy of such a gift, whose contributions to society and their fellow travelers makes this an appropriate gesture of respect and admiration. Go ahead, place them among the great figures of history. They’ve earned it.
Some people just can’t sit still. If you don’t give them something to do, the next thing you know they’re breaking open an old thermometer to play with the mercury or teaching the dog to “finger paint.” That’s exactly who the New Hobby Box was created for — the restless souls who can’t stop going from one activity to another. It’s also great for your weird uncle who’s been whittling identical wooden gnomes for the last thirty years and needs to branch out. With so many hobbies available, there’s no reason anyone needs to be bored these days.
You probably know someone who would like their own personal supply of organic produce but doesn’t have the time to manage a multi-acre farm. Or go to the grocery store for that matter. This is also a great gift for the healthy eater who’s too busy to garden or who tends to kill everything they lay their hands on.
One day soon, artificial intelligence is going to be a reality, and the machines are going to take everything. Until then, you might as well get as much out of these bastards as you can. Here’s a robot who will make fully-customizable drinks until he knows better.
Everyone who grew up during the golden age of game shows dreamed of one day standing atop the glorious Plinko board, dropping metal biscuits and watching them bounce earthward in the direction of a richer destiny. But since few will ever experience that magnificent moment, we have a smaller, more realistic version for the drinkers of the world. This is Plinko for the people, and we call it Drinko. Because if they can’t end up richer at the end of the day, at least they can end up drunker.
In a world where deadlines are king, why not focus on a finish line that’s really worth celebrating? Retirement! They'll keep their eye on the prize with this optimistic ticker that will drive them to accomplish bigger and better things at work. Imagine the sweet silence of no alarm in the wee hours of the morning. Retirement will feel like it’s always right around the corner.
Night-blindness is that thing that happens when you turn on the bathroom light in the middle of the night. The shock of going from darkness to light is abruptly harsh, and after the light goes off you’re blind for several minutes until your eyes readjust to the darkness. The combination of night blindness and urgent midnight runs to the bathroom can result in any number of minor disasters like stubbed toes and stray streams of... you get the idea. With the subtle glow of a toilet night light all these problems are a thing of the past. Also creates a nice atmosphere for impromptu bathroom disco parties.
Vacuuming will no longer feel like a chore with this powerful canister strapped to their back. Liberating and sporty, this dust-defeating, crumb-eating soldier of suction is strictly reserved for today’s most ambitious and orderly housekeepers. The latest in domestic fitness regimens, this lightweight apparatus will strengthen their core while reducing unsightly nicks on walls and unnecessary scratches on floors. Tidiness redefined.
Everyday life has plenty of unavoidable indignities; there’s no reason to add cold coffee to the list. We’ve come so far technologically, yet we’re still relying on basic pottery to keep our coffee warm, like it’s the Stone Age or something. People are just too busy to pay attention to how long their coffee mug has been sitting out on the desktop. Place it on one of these instead, and they never have to worry about it again.
When you’re trying to figure out the most efficient way to do something, it always pays to look to nature first. And what more efficient shredders of animal flesh can you find than the majestic wild bear? Those legendary feral mauling machines were the inspiration for these expertly crafted meat shredding hand extensions. Durable, super sharp, and comfortable enough to forget they’re even there, the original Bear Paw meat shredders will revolutionize any cook’s bbq life.
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
Happy couple decides to go on vacation, finds quaint lodging belonging to complete stranger for a price that seems too good to be true. In the movies, they get hacked to pieces. So here’s one way you can be happy that real life never ends up like the movies. In real life, they just have a great time and never stay in a hotel again.
It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.
Try as they might, those frozen cocktails they’re always making in the blender never quite come out right. It’s not because they got the recipe wrong (although by the fourth batch, that’s a good bet too) - it’s because the’ve been using the wrong tools. You wouldn’t let them try to cross a lake in their car, would you? So why are you letting them try to make frozen drinks in a blender? Making a proper beach cocktail first and foremost requires using the right contraption: a specialized frozen drink maker. It’s a small investment for the gallons of glorious delight it will produce.
Do you know someone who’s always in search of the perfect hot sauce? Well, maybe the answer is to let them make their own. This kit allows you to experiment with different pepper, spice, and vinegar combinations until you find the holy grail of hotness. No more excuses, just hot pepper perfection.