It’s finally happening. The robot revolution has begun. And they’re starting with our floors. Making them all clean and spotless, so we feel inferior at our own vacuuming ability, perhaps we even slip on their shininess. And oh, how they’ll laugh. Resistance is futile, you might as well embrace it, and start gifting them to all your friends.
For years we’ve been using tracking devices to follow the comings and goings of our pets, children, enemies, and myriad suspicious characters who pass through our neighborhoods. It’s about time that we re-apply the tools of our paranoia to everyday objects. This small tracker can be affixed to any of your valuable possessions (including yourself if you so desire), allowing those objects to be quickly and easily located using the associated mobile app. Sure, it won’t help you find your moral compass or your purpose in life, but it will help you find the TV remote.
It’s a big claim, we know. But yes, apparently all of life’s mysteries can be explained using flow charts, and this handy book has collected them all together. Give this gift to someone who has always wondered about the meaning of life, and bemoaned the lack of a sufficient diagram to explain it.
Lobsters have many, many great qualities, not least among them are their nutritional and flavor profiles. But they’re dumb as dirt, exceptionally slow, and don’t drive. So if it’s inconvenient for you to go all the way to the ocean to find the best lobsters, you’re going to have to get someone to mail them to you. Thankfully, lobster mail is now a reality.
For the person who’ll try anything once, why not pop them in a local isolation tank and deprive them of their senses for an hour or so, see what happens? It might make them feel super relaxed and chilled-out. It could even be an enlightening experience. Or, it might just make them feel lucky to be alive when you finally let them out!
Nothing quite makes an impression like someone who has a giant tool and knows how to handle it. Get everybody within a half-mile radius drunk in one fell swoop with this absurdly proportioned mixology shaker. A brain-cell smiter of truly biblical proportions.
If humans were meant to fly, the logic goes, we would have been born with wings. Well, logic is an overrated buzzkill. Leaving the earth and relying on your own wits to return in one piece is something everyone should experience. Give the middle finger to gravity and biological destiny.
If they've been feeling a little run down and deflated recently, give them a much-needed boost with this practical gift. They can use it to pump up their car and bike tires, and they’ll be blowing up that inflatable pool in minutes – perfect for all those impromptu pool parties they’ll be throwing now!
Corporate life is not about achievement or progress, it’s about survival. Everyone in the office tribe knows this but few will admit it. With a few strokes of the pen, an artist has rendered that common feeling of treading water with feigned composure that all cubicle slaves feel as soon as they enter the dungeon. Remind them that you’re all in on the game with this humorous and poignant paper pad.
If those homegrown massages are causing pains to linger a bit longer than expected, chances are your masseuse-in-training needs a tad more study time. This irreplaceable guide takes readers on an anatomical journey that charts every inch of the human body with artistic genius and incredible detail. Plunge into the mysteries of our incredible physique and gain insights on pain relief and the miraculous healing powers that originate from within.
If they're a little clumsy in the kitchen, these cut resistant gloves may help them from accidentally adding unplanned ingredients to their meal (fingers in the coleslaw are never good). Now you won’t need to be suspicious of that red sauce when they invite you over for dinner.
Nothing adds a bit of natural flair to an outdoor party better than a large piece of fruit that gets you drunk. Just hollow out a watermelon, insert the tap, and fill it up with your favorite beverage. Let them show off their inner DIY in the coolest way possible.
Few household hobbies have the potential to be as hard on the joints as gardening, unless you like playing “Army Men” and parachuting off the roof with umbrellas, like some of us did as kids. This waterproof nylon stool does double duty as a knee/ankle saver and a tool bag, so the right implement is always within reach.
In case you’re not aware, death is always clawing its way into you through every pore. Make sure everyone else knows about this harsh reality too by giving them this book. Shatter their precious illusions of health and vitality, in the most entertaining and hilarious way possible. A perfect gift for your favorite hypochondriac.
Good luck convincing them this isn’t an acid flashback. This remote-controlled fish will be a welcome break from conventional pets that need feeding and only stay in the air for a few seconds. Holds enough helium to turn any house party into a chipmunk colony.
Who has time for trial and error? Folks today demand fast-acting, proven solutions to their everyday conundrums. A modern stand-in for the tried and trusted Farmer’s Almanac, this back pocket companion is more reliable than your great-grandmother and more concise than an open-ended Google search. Believe it or not, some of the “smartest” solutions have been around for ages.
People weren’t joking when they said this coffee is the sh#t. The undeniably rich, full-bodied flavor produced by these rare beans has redefined the food chain and flipped the coffee industry on its head. Perhaps one of the most imaginative adaptations of the farm-to-table movement, this coffee product is redefining waste management.
We’re not sure how far the constitution goes as far as ring marks on tables are concerned, but if you know someone who’s passionate about defending their household surfaces then you might just hit a bullseye with this present. This set of heavy duty coasters are as much a conversation starter as they are a conservation effort so we’d definitely take a shot on them if we were you.
If they're big on cookouts but small on yard space, perhaps a compact fold-up grill could be the answer. Easy to take with them on whatever adventures they have in store, and a bag of charcoal will last forever with this thing.
Drinking coffee is for amateurs: give the gift of intense doses of caffeine. Help them run marathons, finish difficult projects, and—if they eat too many—question if their eye is supposed to be twitching. As a gift to you, if you ever need to paint your house, get them on board – they can see way more colors than you can now.
Nothing beats a pizza cooked in a wood-fired stone oven, but a giant pizza oven is a little difficult to give as gift. This stovetop version is a lot easier to wrap and delivers the same great flavor as its big brother.
Don’t rush to buy them a present they’ll almost never use. Let’s be honest, no one likes to be on the receiving end of those. Instead, get them a present that they’ll be rushing out of the door to use. Treat them to a night out in one of their top local restaurants. Who wouldn’t love an evening of gourmet food, fine wine and absolutely no dishes to do afterwards?
They might already have everything the need today, but that could change quickly if they become the unfortunate victim of cyber-theft. RFID chips in modern credit cards make paying easy, but they also have a serious vulnerability - the chip can be scanned by cyber criminals without you even knowing it. All they have to do is walk past you and your card data is captured without them even touching it. It’s a growing concern but luckily there’s an easy solution with RFID blocking cards and wallets.
Grilling doesn’t have to be a seasonal pastime anymore. This creative addition to your barbeque repertoire will bring the oven to the patio and some deliciously baked goods to the chef’s outdoor menu. The irresistible flavor of brick-oven fare will redefine your backyard and inject some home-cooked aroma into the too often smoky, greasy smells of the charcoal circuit. Who knew cooking out could be so refined?
If you’re always relying on Trip Advisor, you’re going to be in for some nasty surprises. Because you never know whether the person on the other end of that five-star review has a conflict of interest, or even if they’re sound of mind to begin with. Leave the hardcore travel advice up to the experts who have the proven experience and insight. National Geographic has made a name for themselves by being THE authority on what to see and where. They’ve got some real skin in the game, unlike Doris from Grand Forks who thinks the Motel 6 in Albuquerque was better than the Grand Canyon. Send your loved one off into the great unknown with the real ultimate guide.
We are intelligent survivors by nature. Despite its ominous name, a worst case scenario can be a lot of fun, provided you have the tools available to pull a MacGyver-like exit. This little kit can save someone’s life over and over again. Check that, only their primal genius can save their life. But this lends a helping hand.
Summer is the season when you start trading all that time you spend indoors getting drunk for time outdoors getting drunk. But if you’re like most people, you probably don’t feel like your furniture supports you in this venture. And a simple survey of the industry reveals a regrettable lack of beer-dedicated lawnware. At the end of the day, the outdoor brew lover doesn’t ask for much — just a table with a couple of can/bottle holder slots, a bottle opener, and a spot for some snacks. Thankfully, someone was listening. Here is their elegant answer.
If they’re anything like us, they’re not wild about some anonymous person manhandling their pork. The problem is, of course, that someone has to turn it into bacon. A make your own bacon kit is the perfect gift for someone who really wants to take control of their lives, starting with the most important parts.
Polaroids may be dead, but the people who like to use them aren’t. Not all of them anyway. There’s something especially gratifying about holding a tangible photograph, especially in a world dominated by virtual commodities where everything is becoming digital. Having an instant printer on hand means they don’t have to wait for a photo printing company to print their photos from the cloud and mail them by horseback or whatever. And we all know that nobody has time to wait for a horse these days. Oh, and we should also mention: these look way better than Polaroids.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, you should be able to kill people with it. Because killing people is really easy with a sword. Killing people, however, is frowned upon, unless they’re really asking for it. It’s much more responsible to stick to the symbolic act this penholder allows.
Back in the old days you were really rolling the dice when you chose a hotel. Either you called blindly after skimming the phone book or simply drove all night and hoped you saw a vacancy sign before you ran out of gas and got murdered by a vagrant. A hotels.com gift card is not just a way of picking up the tab for a night’s stay; it’s also the priceless gift of peace of mind.
Kombucha is the ancient art of making tea into something half the people who try it will love and the other half will vomit back onto your carpet. The people who love it are objectively correct, because it makes you live forever (almost). Anyone who has fallen head over heels for it will do the same for you if you buy them this homebrew kit.
One of the hidden curses of modern life is the enormous mental anguish and psychological torment that is caused every day by tangled earbud wires. It’s a secret killer of mental health, a final straw landing on the back of the camel of sanity. Some thought the answer would be wireless earbuds, but we’ve found that a lack of wires just makes them easier to lose. As usual, the real answer is simple: having a case to put them in, instead of crumpling them up and cramming them into the nearest available pocket. Here is that case.
Celebrate their roots with one of these insanely comfortable t-shirts to remind them where they’re from. A great antidote to homesickness and scratchy-clothing syndrome. And if someone should find them drunk and unresponsive on the front lawn, they’ll know approximately where to send them.
For the coffee and donut addicts of the world, it’s hard to believe that anything could improve this heavenly pairing. But that will make it all the more mind-blowing when they realize you have indeed given them something that will take the experience to another level. This truly ingenious piece of kitchen/office-ware provides the perfect platform on which the two elements meet to create the true breakfast of champions. Because if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right.
This kitchen appliance prints designs and photos on drink heads, cookies, or pastries using edible ink. Ideal for printing the portrait of a guest of honor on a cupcake, adding your company logo to a batch of cookies, or replicating a pet’s picture on your morning latte, it prints monochrome images up to 10 cm in diameter at 600 dpi. The printer connects to your smartphone, enabling you to add virtually any photo, image, design, or pattern from your personal library or the Internet. Comes with 60 preloaded graphics, emojis, and cartoon characters. Includes one cartridge of edible ink that prints up to 1,000 images.
Thieves these days can break into any safe, as the movies attest to. The key is in fooling them. Storing valuables inside an innocuous-looking clock is the perfect way to foil any evil plan. When you’re this clever, you don’t even need to lock things up.
The Ring Video Doorbell is an invaluable tool for anyone looking to avoid unnecessary human contact. Because whether it’s a door-to-door salesman, that weird kleptomaniac kid from next door, or your Mother-in-Law, answering the front door in person can lead to all kinds of awkward encounters and sometimes even property damage. This is the electronic doorman you’ve always dreamed of.
What better object to have in hand while you’re getting drunk than a grimacing skull to remind you of your own mortality? Rendered in stunningly intricate detail, this guy really comes to life when you fill him up with a colored liquor. Just like someone else you know.
Traditional shot glasses are durable and convenient, but you can’t eat them. That’s just a fact. Don’t try it; many people have, and they’re all dead. This machine breaks the mold by replacing glass with cookies (the best ideas are always stupid obvious). Jello shots are no longer the undisputed champion of the alcohol kingdom.
Though it is roundly considered bad taste to put socks on your face, no taboo exists against doing the opposite. In fact, rocking a pair of face socks is likely to thrust one several notches up the status meter. It’s one of the most underutilized fashion secrets known to modern man (and modern woman). The ancient books counsel that power and prestige await those who carry the human countenance upon their footwear. These are truly the gateway to greater things.
There are lots of monthly and weekly meal subscriptions to choose from, but not so much for the people who like the meals in between meals the best. Look, grass-fed steak with organic heirloom carrots and Arabian saffron roasted potatoes is great, but some people would genuinely prefer a handful of edamame or a blueberry lemon oat bar instead. We’re not here to judge, and you shouldn’t be either. The Graze monthly snack subscription provides healthy alternatives that allow the recipient to indulge in their love of snacking without paying the junk food tax.
Everyone likes receiving money, and it’s the easiest gift to give. Unfortunately, a pile of bills is often considered tacky. On the other hand, roll them up into flower shapes and it’s considered art. A brilliant ruse to make the simplest of transactions socially acceptable.
Looking for a really forking good gift? Okay, so fried foods may not be the healthiest choice out there, but there are times when you just can’t help but make an exception. This electric fondue maker is the perfect thing for dinner parties and puts a fun twist on appetizers and desserts. The oil, cheese, or chocolate will stay at the perfect temperature and it never runs out of fuel.
Know someone who’s had a lot of close calls? Celebrate it with this bullet-embedded shot glass. A strong reminder that you never know which direction the next shitstorm is coming from, and you never know what shape it’s going to take. You might as well live it up now while you can.
Nothing creates a sense of urgency like counting the seconds until the time when you can’t count the seconds anymore. The surest way to beat procrastination, this watch doesn’t let you off the hook. Strap it on someone’s wrist, give them a hearty slap on the rear, and tell them to get to work.
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
Are you changing jobs soon and want to leave behind a legacy of disorder and cascading revenge? Give this book to the person at the office you hate least and let them unleash a reign of terror and annoyance. A perfect bridge burner.
Video game arcades in every town may be a thing of the past, but with the 80s revival that’s washed over the western world, demand has spiked again for old-time video games that look like they were designed by an 8-year old and housed in giant man-sized boxes. And for good reason: they’re so much fun that you could lose your entire childhood chasing the high score in Asteroids. Don’t ask how we know that.
Who needs photorealism when you can have the charming warmth of skillful human error? There is something undeniably touching about having an artist recreate your image by hand using the old-time tools of long-gone artistic masters. After all, any old fool can press a shutter button and spit out a photo of your homely mug. It really means something that another person was willing to stare at that photo for hours while they painstakingly recreated your form by hand, imbuing it with all the personality and living charisma of your aura. Help someone you love celebrate a cherished moment the old fashioned way.
Traditional golf pants are one of the most identifiable sartorial statements in the history of men’s fashion. This playful golf leg table captures the timeless style in a gloriously bizarre yet classic piece of furniture. Charmingly whimsical, dignified, and refined all at once, it makes a perfect addition to any man cave, vacation home, or course-side timeshare, and it’s bound to do as much for their reputation among other golfers as shaving ten strokes off their handicap.
Take a friend back to their glory days on the streets of Hong Kong with this authentic bubble waffle maker. All they have to do is fill this bad boy with their favorite waffle batter, close the lid, and within a few minutes they’ve got their very own homemade version of one of the world’s most iconic street foods. Add in a stockpile of cheap batter and a few cases of whipped cream, and this could literally keep them alive for years.
Why bother with messy paints and long drying times when there’s a perfectly good computer to paint on? The digital paintbrush mimics the flexibility and feel of the real thing, and even leaves brush stokes. It can simulate painting in oil, acrylic, watercolor or charcoal and is compatible with most touchscreen devices.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
In the age of AI and computer automation, we need to resist the machines any way we can. This is a great way to start — with a hand-cranked portable washing machine. The manual washing machine is a perfect statement of self-sufficiency and independence, and it’s a wonderful way to recruit someone you know into the resistance. It also allows the user to get the laundry done while on the road, while camping far away from electricity, or even during a hypothetical apocalypse. All in all, it’s a necessary tool in today’s world. The revolution starts here.
Since the invention of the original legos, kids have only been able to imagine what their creations would be like if they were life-sized. But not anymore. Giant legos make it possible to experience the dream of a world composed of lego buildings, lego furniture, and human sized lego robots. And it’s not only kids that are getting in on the action. Giant legos are used to create temporary offices, modular furniture, interior decor, exhibits and retail displays, and a lot more. Except the adults like to call them “modular blocks” to make it sound more grown up. But we all know they’re giant legos.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
Chances are you know someone who still patches up their household items using duct tape. Probably while listening to their favorite Bee Gees 8-track. Do that person and their home a favor and bring them out of the DIY dark ages with a roll of Fiberfix. Then maybe go to work on their music collection.
Their toothbrush cleans their mouth, but then what cleans their toothbrush? How have you not been thinking about this? If you don’t have one of these, your mouth and your toothbrush are just playing volleyball with all that crap that comes off your teeth. Life is gross enough without walking around with a bacteria factory in your face.
Like the fairy godperson they never had, this smartphone-compatible homing device will always be there when they need it most. Think of the far-ranging implications of ending the problem of lost keys for good: it can save them from missed social dates, get them to work on time, and spare them the toxic neurological effects of chronic frustration. It may seem like a small gesture, but helping a poor soul stop losing their keys can be a life-changing gift indeed.
Just as flowers bend toward the sunlight, the Mirthful Sommelier’s Monogrammed Wine Glasses incline toward the lucky mouths of the thirsty wretches who covet their contents. These playful and unique glasses are also the perfect stemware to break out when your gathering gets a little too uptight. After all, if even the glassware is chill enough to slouch, the humans drinking out of it can surely pull the rod out of their butts for a few minutes.
No light shines as bright as the light of wisdom. Even better if that wisdom is delivered in weird syntax that makes you stop what you’re doing to figure out what you’re being told. That is, after all, Yoda’s whole schtick. Clever little bastard. This intricately crafted lamp includes one of his best-known motivational slogans — imploring the world, more or less, to “just do it.” Seriously, if you know any over-the-top Star Wars fans, just get this for them. It’s as close to a can’t miss gift as you’ll ever find.
Look, we know that not everybody needs to have a giant five pound gummy bear, but not everybody technically needs pants, either. Having a giant gummy bear is like having a pair of pants: once you have one, it is hard to imagine life without it. The point is that need has nothing to do with it.
Nothing is more important to company productivity than morale. And nothing raises morale better than acknowledging the real triumphs and heroics that make up the everyday life of an indentured office servant. There are no dragons to slay in the corporate world. The real battles are fought in small, desperate spaces like the sterile, suffocating environs of the meeting room. These things should not go unsaid.
Science is never better than when you can eat it. But you can’t safely eat most science, which is why this book is such a dang miracle. Technically all food is science, but the food in this book has more science than like a hot dog or something. And it’s no gimmick either — The New York Times Book Review says it’s “the one book you must have, no matter what you’re planning to cook or where your skill level falls.” Finally, a worthwhile use for chemistry.
If they don't already have a marinade injector it would make a perfect gift. And if they do, tell them to throw that junk away - this one is way nicer. Initially, the novice may wonder why they need a marinade injector. Of course, if they knew why they needed one they would, in fact, already have one. But they'll learn. And it will be a delicious process. And soon you'll reap the benefits when you're invited over for dinner and vodka infused watermelon.
Celebrate America’s favorite Christmas movie all year long with this iconic leg lamp. From the tasseled shade to the fishnet stockings, this lamp screams “I have superior taste”. The lucky person who receives this will surely be inundated with compliments and admiration. Its design is taken straight from the classic movie, and it will undoubtedly conjure up some fond memories for anyone that recognizes this gem. The neighbors will be so jealous.
After a long day at work, they’ll love to come home and fall face-first into the inviting crevices of this butt-shaped head haven. But this is not just a gag gift — this pillow happens to be a great shape to accommodate any sleeping position. With real butt-like tactile qualities, a silky inner lining, and removable yoga pant cover, they’ll look forward to stuffing their face right up in there every night. Soft, comforting, and ergonomical — they’ve never experienced booty sleep like this.
Go ahead, throw this in the white elephant gift pile and see if anyone has the balls to steal it. This is the kind of gift that nobody will ever forget, for better or for worse. Its usefulness is overshadowed only by the shamelessness of its name and the absurdity of its marketing - true signs of a product with lasting power. In the context of a normal one-to-one gift giving scenario, you risk having it taken as an insult, but in a white elephant gift exchange, at the very least you’ll get a few laughs, and who knows? You might even open up a whole new world to some lucky soul in need.
The Roku Streaming Stick may be the Roku Ultra’s little brother, but it definitely punches above its weight. It features all the same channels, a voice activated remote, and a sleek design that remains hidden out of sight so no one has to look at your dongle while they watch TV.
When people talk about “beer nerds” they mean those who are really into beer and know a lot about it. But what about “nerdy beer nerds?” A nerdy beer nerd likes beer, knows a lot about it, but is also just generally a nerd. The sort of person who would appreciate a beer glass with an HTML joke printed on it.
The great conundrum of losing your glasses has always been that you’ve lost the one thing that you need to find the thing you’ve lost. That is, until technology stepped in. Now, through the magic of bluetooth, there’s one more layer of foolproof assistance to undo the errors of human carelessness. That is, until they lose their phone too. At that point, the only answer is super-gluing their belongings to their body. Even idiot-proofing has its limits.