The burden of constant decision making has been found to be the leading cause of workplace violence. Help forestall a catastrophe by moving the burden onto this ever patient, always reliable aluminum spinner. You may just be saving a life.
The best (or worst!) gift for hypochondriacs everywhere! For that co-worker who’s always off sick (every workplace has one, and if you think yours doesn’t, it’s probably you), this book is a great gift to fuel their hysteria. It’ll also help them to diagnose much more interesting diseases for the rest of you to hear about. All. Day. Long.
What better way to say that the pen is mightier than the sword? This knight pen holder will be their most loyal servant in all of their clerical crusades. Whether they’re battling with the bookkeeping or feuding with their filing, help will be at hand. And yes, their grocery lists deserve the royal treatment too.
For the colleague who needs to lighten up a bit, buy them a crazy Christmas jumper – you could even get one that lights up! Whether it’s a naughty snowman, rude reindeer or cheeky elf, these ugly sweaters will make even the most serious crack a smile. Not just for Christmas, they also make a great gift in June.
Technically speaking, this is a rubber stamp, but colloquially speaking, using it is the opposite of rubber stamping. It allows the owner to send useless, insulting, and otherwise subpar documents back where they came from with the appropriate level of contempt. Slamming this thing face first into each page in a stack of shitty documents may be the highlight of your coworker’s day.
Everyone loves a drinking game, especially at 11am on a Wednesday after that presentation from hell… just kidding. However, giving your colleague this fun, boozy gift is probably the only thing that will make the work Christmas party bearable. Pre-gaming at Karen’s anyone? We’ll be there in a shot, or 6.
If you’re looking for a gift for a coworker but can’t quite put your finger on what to get them, look no further because this one gets a big thumbs up from us. If they thought that having opposable thumbs was useful enough, they’ve never come across the even more useful USB thumb. It’s also a safer alternative than sticking their own fingers in the side of their computer.
The necktie is the unsung, often mistreated hero of the sartorial world. While shirts, pants, and jackets all get their own specialized travel bags to keep them clean, dry, and unwrinkled, neckties just get folded up and stuffed in the suitcase. But there is a price to be paid for this kind of disregard — and that price is a cranky, crinkly, abused-looking necktie that makes even the most dapper man look like he has been reduced to a stowaway sleeping in his work clothes in the undercarriage of a Greyhound bus. The necktie travel case is here to rescue that man’s dignity.
Written by James Bond himself (or, you know, an actual real-life spy), this eye-opening book is packed full of genuine, practical tips for self-protection, and is a great present for any colleague or friend. Guaranteed to come in handy during a kidnapping, mugging or zombie apocalypse, you might just save their life one day.
Do you have a coworker who is greedy and smells bad? Help them solve one of those problems by gifting them this wonderful scented soap with real money inside. Also great for your teenage kids who want their allowance but won’t get in the shower without some extra incentive.
If you’re looking for a subtle way to tell them that they always have spinach in their teeth, look no further than these whisky flavored toothpicks. On the plus side, you’ll no longer have to look at the salad growing in their mouth. On the downside, their breath will smell faintly of Scotch forevermore.
A literal investment in your co-worker’s future, these stock gift cards will finally afford your downbeat colleague a glimmer of hope. Maybe, if they play this card right, they could one day be the new owner of Google, with a private jet and island to go with… That’s how you sell it to them, anyway.
Since nobody seems to be interested enough to invent an ever-lasting battery, it looks like we’re all stuck charging our phones every day for the foreseeable future. But before you throw you hands up in disgust and ask how it could possibly get worse, there is some good news. The same lazy, inconsiderate tech “geniuses” who refuse to make forever batteries have at least found the decency to create a little pad that charges smartphones without having to plug them in. And really, it’s the least they could do.
Humans are still the most accurate translation devices, but they’re also expensive, flaky, and often object to being carried around in your pocket. So the perfect answer, as usual, is to replace them with robots. These handy two-way pocket translators have one job to do, and they do it with gusto. Accurate, fast, and never in need of moral encouragement. Besides, having one of these makes you kind of feel like James Bond.
Unless you have a relative by the name of Richard Branson, your colleagues are unlikely to believe this is real for more than a few seconds. But, in that moment, you’ll see the flash of pure joy as their dreams are realized - before it all comes crashing down and they hate you more than ever.
If you’ve got the kind of chilled out boss who lets you play games at work (or they’ve just given up on life and no longer care what you do), this quirky chess set is a clever gift for your colleague, as it’s something you’ll both enjoy - providing you’re their (check)mate of choice, of course!
Many trying situations call for the deployment of a nice chunk of whoop-ass, yet people who find themselves in such situations rarely have a fresh can handy. We urge you to buy these cans in bulk and give them to everyone you care about - you can rest assured they will be put to good use. Give one to someone for one of those times when their back is against the wall, the boss is breathing down their neck, they can’t catch a break, and all the other clichés are bearing down on them at the same time. Pop this baby open - it’s like a cheat code for real life.
At the end of a long working day, all you probably feel like doing is going home, putting your feet up and having your partner rub your shoulders to de-stress. Well, spare a thought for your colleague, Colin, who’s going home to an empty apartment, Chinese takeout (again) and a cat who can’t stand him… he needs this.
If NASA uses it, it must be astronomically good, right? Ha. Ha. But seriously, for your coworker who’s always complaining about another terrible night’s sleep and giving everyone a courtside view of their tonsils as they yawn, this sleep-promoting gadget is a thoughtful gift that will benefit you all.
A cool gift for a classy coworker – or your resident beer-guzzling buffoon – this bullet-shaped bottle opener is sure to go down, well, like a cool beer on a sunny afternoon. Plus, it looks a bit like a pen, so your colleague can keep it in their desk drawer without arousing suspicion. The six pack of beers on the other hand…
It can be really frustrating when you’re away on an overseas business trip, soaking up the culture but not being able to order a drink at a bar or buy, well, anything at all really. At least with this handy book they’ll be able to air their frustrations in the local lingo and hopefully alert someone to their need for a helping hand…if they haven’t offended them first.
Great art doesn’t always take the form you’re expecting. Twitter gives everyone with a phone and an opinion to spare the chance to reach millions of people with a single ill-conceived utterance. With all that verbal garbage coursing through the airwaves, bizarre gems are certain to arise. Lest they drift away and go to waste, someone had the brilliant idea to start framing them. Move over Picasso, it’s time to make room for the real modern art.
Much better than boring workplace handbooks and safety procedures, this hilarious book is perfect for your coworker who’s looking to brush up on some borderline dangerous knowledge he’ll probably never need. Plus, it’s a gift for you too - after all, who knows when you might need someone who knows how to crack a safe?
It’s no longer reasonable to allow your writing utensils to do single duty. These days, a pen that does nothing but write is a child’s toy. Actually, it’s even worse than that, because kids know better than to write by hand, what with all the voice recognition apps they have within arms reach at all times. That means pens are functionally useless. Let that sink in a minute. But not this pen, because it’s also several other things that can help the user accomplish something important. This is no gimmick. It’s a revolutionary tool, and the world will never be the same.
For the 6-year-old child within you, this super-smart paper airplane will provide you and your best work buddy with hours of entertainment. Dive-bombing Dave from Purchasing while pretending to be texting and trying not to catch each other’s eye is a surefire way to ease some of your daily stress.
For your blooming, booming co-worker, why not give them some daffodils made from dollar bills? You’ll probably want to use Monopoly money for this, unless you’re secretly moonlighting as a diamond smuggler. After all, with the salaries your boss pays, it’s probably the most money you and your colleagues have seen in one place, ever, right?
The perfect gift for your co-worker who struggles to leave their fluffy unicorn slippers at home in the morning- cough, um, did we say unicorn? We meant stylish sheepskin moccasins, obviously. Anyway, these cozy shoe liners will make them feel nice and warm and sleepy… oh no, Jeff’s fallen asleep at his desk again.
Looking to convince your boss she should pay for the free bar at the Christmas party? Mike from Sales that he wants you as team leader on that project? I.T. Jane that she should take a chance on your dinner invitation? These customized fortune cookies are the perfect mutually beneficial coworker gift.
Because nothing says, ‘Happy Birthday, and I hope you have a super fun day’ to your coworker like the gift of a taser. Could make a good gift for Mia, who keeps being hit on by Sleazeball Sean – there isn’t anyone in the office who wouldn’t secretly love to see him convulsing in pain on the floor, right?
For those (admittedly rare) occasions when their wine rack is empty, and they can’t get to the liquor store, your coworker is sure to appreciate this wine making kit as their last resort. Until, that is, they realize it takes a month to brew, and they collapse in a sobbing, sober heap on the kitchen floor, cursing the day you were born.
For your eternally optimistic (or deluded) co-worker, who still believes they might one day find love and have need to cook spaghetti for more than one person, this handy measuring tool is a great gift idea. And if they never find their soulmate, at least they’ll be able to comfort eat in horse-like proportions.
Och aye the noo! This might just be the most awesome gift anyone has given a colleague, ever. Transform them instantly from lowly office worker sharing a tiny one bed apartment with three other lowly office workers, to a literal king (alright, Laird or Lady) of the castle. They even get their own tartan.
A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.
When you’re having a bad day at work, there’s nothing like a ruined lunch to push you over the edge. For your colleague who’s always bringing in leftovers wrapped in aluminum foil, revolutionize their lunchtimes with some fancy food containers. No more soggy sandwiches or limp lettuce – you might just have saved them from a full, standing-on-their-desk-throwing-staplers meltdown.
This fruity little invention is a great way to make your boozy colleague feel healthier, even as they top up the alcohol content in their thick beer-blood. The perfect centerpiece for their summer BBQ, you’re sure to be top of their invite list after this gift – just make sure to bring a melon!
Has that wonky picture of the two birds behind Brian’s desk always made your left eye twitch? But, it would be weird to go over there just to straighten it, right? Now’s the time to fix that, by giving him this handy picture hanging device. Guaranteed to make even your most laidback colleague display OCD tendencies.
For the gelatinous co-worker who just seems to be drifting along in his own little bubble, but who freaks out when Jenny from accounts accidentally brushes his arm on her way past, make him feel less alone with these mesmerizing friends in a jar!
People get pretty picky about their hot sauces, which probably sounds weird if you’re not a spice-lover yourself. But it’s true – and blending their own would be like Chili Pepper Nirvana. Just be careful at the next office potluck… that’s some next-level sauce and they’re going to promise “oh, it’s not that hot.”
Technology may be shockingly smart these days, but unfortunately your computer is still too dumb to stand up when you do. Though on that note, when it does become smart enough to stand up with you, you should probably run. On second thought, once the machines are that smart it’s already too late. Just sit back down and wait for the computer to tell you what to do next. If you don’t make any abrupt movements, it might spare you. In the meantime, buy this adjustable standing desk for someone you care about so they don’t ruin their posture.
Finally, some genius has noticed that ‘ginger’ rhymes with ‘ninja’ and transformed the humble gingerbread man into a contortionist Jackie Chan would be proud of. What’s next – Parrot Cake? Chocolate Chip Wookies? Still, a great gift for a ginger-haired colleague, these should certainly ‘spice’ up the office charity bake sale.
For your colleague who can’t be trusted with a real pet (we’ve all heard the story of what happened to Hammy the Hamster back in third grade), give them this gift of a manageable animal, that doubles up as a quirky home decoration. Also, great for owners of balloon dogs (an increasingly rare breed).
Finally, an actual use for modern technology! For your coworker who fancies themselves as a bit of a Carrie from Sex and the City – in that they have too many shoes, a lot of Big problems, and enjoy a Cosmo or seven – this cocktail mixing gift is guaranteed to go down like a, well, Cosmo.
Because normal water is just so, like, mainstream. For your co-worker who wants to be ‘different’ and ‘alternative’, give them this sparkling water maker, so they can make their own cool carbonated drinks. They’ll be concocting an edgy elderflower and blackcurrant soda, or a hipster avocado and coconut spritz in no time. Yum.
Even the most caffeinated coworkers can only down so many mugs per day. Help ‘em squeeze a little extra kick into the cold, empty space between cups. And yes – these little beauties do contain delicious caffeine.
Keeping practical supplies in the car in case of emergency is something we all should do – yet many people out there on the road haven't added so much as a band-aid to their car’s inventory. That’s right, in the event of a blizzard, those store receipts and empty fast food bags won’t save you. Shocking, we know. This Auto Survival Kit on the other hand…
For when your boss is away on a conference, this fun twist on the much more sinister classic will help you and your colleagues pass the time. Just make sure the boss has definitely gone. Otherwise, you might struggle to explain why you’re soaking wet, covered in bits of rubber and screaming at the guy in cubicle 4.
The first time they filled the basement with batteries was just before the Y2k crisis. Or if they’re old enough, perhaps during the cold war. In both cases, nothing really happened. But maybe three times is a charm. Even if the modern world doesn’t collapse on itself, you’ll be giving them peace of mind knowing that their 84 remote controls will always be well fed.
Does your coworker seem to have far too much time on their hands? Get them this futuristic cooking contraption, that swirls the water as it heats it, or heats it as it cooks it, or something… to be honest, we’re not quite sure what it does (no one is), but foodies and MasterChef fans will love it. Check out our Guide to Sous Vide Cooking to learn more about this underutilized method of cooking.
Nothing makes your luggage stand out against all the other schmucks’ tattered old raggedy bags like a shiny brass luggage tag. The perfect gift for the sophisticated globetrotter who likes to travel in style. Use up to five lines of text to list their name, address, phone number, favorite superhero, spirit animal, most embarrassing moment — whatever they (or you) want to permanently engrave. The most distinguished way to keep the grubby little hands of the unwashed masses off their personal belongings at the airport.
We know what you’re thinking. Think again – rocketing sushi around your office might not prove as fun as it seems at first. Non-rocket sushi is awesome, though, so why not help nourish your coworkers’ addiction? It’ll be easier on their wallets when they start rolling their own (and hopefully they’ll share).
If you’re struggling to find a gift for your open-mouthed, boggle-eyed coworker – the one that looks a bit like that guy in The Human Centipede 2 (if you haven’t seen it, don’t) – how about a nice fisheye smartphone camera lens, so they can finally take photos that reflect the distorted, screwed-up way they see the world?
People weren’t joking when they said this coffee is the sh#t. The undeniably rich, full-bodied flavor produced by these rare beans has redefined the food chain and flipped the coffee industry on its head. Perhaps one of the most imaginative adaptations of the farm-to-table movement, this coffee product is redefining waste management.
Nemo, is that you? You’ve found him! That’s what your co-worker will be gleefully exclaiming when you hand over the gift of this giant flying fish. Perfect for marine biologists and pescatarians, this fun toy will love flying around your workplace – and, you’ve already got next year’s gift in the bag. Dory!
If one of your colleagues just won’t stop bringing in her ‘delicious’ homemade apple cakes (the ones which taste like cider vinegar and make the rest of you gag) take one for the team and gift your other colleagues these natural, taste-altering tablets, so at least you can stagger your visits to the bathroom to ‘recover’.
For the colleague who struggles with basic tasks, and who no-one’s quite sure how they’ve managed to hold down a job this long, this informative yet funny book will teach them everything from CPR to how to fight a shark – which you never know, might just come in handy at work one day!
Like the fairy godperson they never had, this smartphone-compatible homing device will always be there when they need it most. Think of the far-ranging implications of ending the problem of lost keys for good: it can save them from missed social dates, get them to work on time, and spare them the toxic neurological effects of chronic frustration. It may seem like a small gesture, but helping a poor soul stop losing their keys can be a life-changing gift indeed.
Admittedly, this is kind of a niche gift. But somehow, inexplicably, this has become a giant niche. Fans of the animated sitcom - as well as the associated blog, comic book, and soundtrack album - will have a great time geeking out to these real life, chef-tested recipes for the outlandishly-named burgers the show is famous for.
Since the dawn of time, chaos, terror, and death have periodically rained down from the sky. Only the lucky were spared. But now we have weather radios, so you can go inside instead of dying. This one also conveniently charges your phone so the next hurricane doesn’t have to interrupt your game of angry birds.
There are certain things everyone ‘should’ know how to do, but by a certain age it becomes too late to admit you don’t – and this is how you end up with that colleague who still has no clue how to tie his necktie, despite wearing one for the last 3 years. Revolutionize that guy’s life with this book.
Kombucha is the ancient art of making tea into something half the people who try it will love and the other half will vomit back onto your carpet. The people who love it are objectively correct, because it makes you live forever (almost). Anyone who has fallen head over heels for it will do the same for you if you buy them this homebrew kit.
Money is a slippery commodity. Much like a wet fish, if you don’t handle it just right it’s bound to squirt out of your hands, never to be seen again. However, there’s a lot of solid advice available on this front. You just have to know where to look. The important thing is that you get this good advice in the hands of a new investor before they go monkeying around in the markets and end up with empty pockets and egg on their face. A beginner’s guide to investing from a credible source is a great way to start.
We are constantly awash in a sea of waves, fields, and rays, not to mention whatever the aliens are shooting into us, and if the scientists didn’t tell us about it we would have no idea any of that stuff is even there. The ferrofluid desk toy is a super cool way to see what magnetic fields would look like if they were actually visible. The included 2-poled magnetic wand allows the user to literally manipulate physics with their hands. Well, that’s probably not true, but it kind of looks like it.
Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.
Who has time for trial and error? Folks today demand fast-acting, proven solutions to their everyday conundrums. A modern stand-in for the tried and trusted Farmer’s Almanac, this back pocket companion is more reliable than your great-grandmother and more concise than an open-ended Google search. Believe it or not, some of the “smartest” solutions have been around for ages.
It used to be the only way to smell like your favorite alcohol was to get so drunk it came out of your pores. Although a few people have probably tried using whiskey as cologne, too. Thank god someone finally came up with a better solution. Beer soap uses real craft beer ingredients to make rich, fragrant soap that not only smells great but nourishes your skin with natural vitamins and nutrients.
Drinking coffee is for amateurs: give the gift of intense doses of caffeine. Help them run marathons, finish difficult projects, and—if they eat too many—question if their eye is supposed to be twitching. As a gift to you, if you ever need to paint your house, get them on board – they can see way more colors than you can now.
If there’s anything that can make wine taste better, it’s a little frustration. If you think life in our rapid-delivery consumer culture is just a bit too easy, then teach your coworker a valuable lesson by making them work more than they anticipated for their gift. You’re not only giving the world’s oldest artisan beverage, you’re helping develop life skills.
Phones actually have more germs on them than a typical public restroom. This smart cleansing machine might not eliminate the dirty content sucking up the data on their phone, but it will be sure to return sterile swiping to their wired existence. Personal device hygiene should not be overlooked by today’s touch-screen fanatics. A high-tech disinfectant, this ingenuous accessory will decontaminate wireless communication and restore cleanliness to the digital age. Oh, and it also charges while it cleans!
If the pen is mightier than the sword, you should be able to kill people with it. Because killing people is really easy with a sword. Killing people, however, is frowned upon, unless they’re really asking for it. It’s much more responsible to stick to the symbolic act this penholder allows.
The literal definition of a gift that keeps on giving, no co-worker could complain at receiving this thoughtful gift (seriously, what kind of person would that make them? You got this!) Much better than an iTunes gift card, a charitable donation helps those less fortunate - that’s right, some people can’t even afford an iPhone.
In classier quarters this might be called a “decanter.” But the built-in stupidity of a decanter is that it’s really just a big glass you’re not allowed to drink out of. You see, in the genteel world of wine, “classy” consists of adding unnecessary steps to what should be a simple process. Of course, bourgeois society has attached all kinds of stigma to drinking straight from the bottle, so some kind of compromise is necessary. And that compromise is right here.
For that colleague who’s always trying to start debates about the origin of the Universe and the like, this book is the perfect replacement for your faux half-interest. Finally, your deep-thinking co-worker will have some answers to those big questions that keep them awake at night, and can stop bugging you – everybody wins!