If you decide to do this, go all out. Show up at 5 in the morning dressed impeccably in a tuxedo. Proceed to handle all unpleasantness with quiet grace, never faltering, never betraying any emotion save unswerving loyalty to the person whom it your your honor to serve. Take care of them the way that they think they deserve. Really buttle them good.
There’s nothing worse than having to get up every day and be the same damn person. We all feel the pain, but it’s a rare soul who gets to branch out into alternate identities. Now you can give this invaluable gift to someone you care about. This 48-pack of gag business cards allows the owner to take on whatever persona fits their mood that day - from the mysterious to the reckless to the downright weird.
Don’t rush to buy them a present they’ll almost never use. Let’s be honest, no one likes to be on the receiving end of those. Instead, get them a present that they’ll be rushing out of the door to use. Treat them to a night out in one of their top local restaurants. Who wouldn’t love an evening of gourmet food, fine wine and absolutely no dishes to do afterwards?
A safety net for the mechanically impaired, AAA is a one-of-a-kind grease monkey support network that can be relied upon to rescue them at any time of day or night. Because deep down inside, you know that for every happy ending, there’s a 1990 Camaro on the side of the road somewhere with a skeleton in the front seat.
Every workplace has one – the serial pen thief. The colleague who loiters by your desk, eyeing up ballpoints, commenting on what a nice pen you have. Yes, Tom, that’s why it’s my pen. How should you get your revenge? Buy everyone in your office these hilarious pens from embarrassing fake businesses, and let things take their course.
These king-sized treats just might be the perfect gift to match their insatiable sweet tooth. This level of candy debauchery might be frowned upon by overeaters anonymous, but life is too short for sugar shaming. No need to wrap these monstrous munchies, the wrapper alone is half the fun and can be used later on as one-of-a-kind wall art to commemorate their gastronomical feat.
You’ve always taken for granted that your ceramic mug was the best way to keep your coffee hot. So let us ask, What other 12,000 year old technologies are you still relying on? It just goes to show that we haven’t really come as far from our caveman ancestors as we like to think, especially when it comes to eating and drinking. Show them how much more evolved you are by gifting them this space-age, temperature control ceramic mug.
Most people poop incorrectly. With all that practice you’d think we’d all be good at it. The Squatty Potty gets the body in the correct posture and claims to help with all sorts of health issues. It’s a great gift since all things toilet related are inherently funny.
It’s hard to stay active and moving around when you’re chained to a desk with work all day, so consider giving them this Under-Desk Elliptical machine on which they can pedal away all day, working up a sweat and staring at spreadsheets. As a bonus, they’ll look like a duck treading water, with their feet pedaling frantically under the surface.
It can feel kind of strange to hand someone a notebook as a present, and be like, “Here, write in this.” But not when said notebook is an intricate and stunning piece of art like this wood-covered journal. Each one has either a natural image (plants, wildlife) or an uplifting message cut into the front cover. The unique and beautiful designs transform these from simple notebooks into works of art that the recipient adds to over time.
They might already have everything the need today, but that could change quickly if they become the unfortunate victim of cyber-theft. RFID chips in modern credit cards make paying easy, but they also have a serious vulnerability - the chip can be scanned by cyber criminals without you even knowing it. All they have to do is walk past you and your card data is captured without them even touching it. It’s a growing concern but luckily there’s an easy solution with RFID blocking cards and wallets.
In our crazy modern world, who has the patience to wait more than a day for their online purchases, or to watch one episode a week of their favorite series, instead of a 10-hour binge? If they don’t already have a subscription to Amazon Prime, it’s your duty to bring them out of the dark ages. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, and you can get it for them right now. They’ll get free shipping on tons of great stuff from Amazon as well as access to a bizillion movies for free. Whatever their addiction, they can feed it on Amazon. Help them feed it faster and better.
Manly men (and women) wear big, dirty boots. The problem is, those entryway mats are designed for dainty folk who need to remove maybe a pebble or two from their penny loafers or whatever. That’s not gonna cut it here. Don’t let them mess up their brand new floors because they didn’t have the right tools. No brainer.
Everyday life has plenty of unavoidable indignities; there’s no reason to add cold coffee to the list. We’ve come so far technologically, yet we’re still relying on basic pottery to keep our coffee warm, like it’s the Stone Age or something. People are just too busy to pay attention to how long their coffee mug has been sitting out on the desktop. Place it on one of these instead, and they never have to worry about it again.
In the world of minor annoyances that slowly wear you down, wet hand and footwear are right up there with highway noise and wet toilet paper. Thankfully, there’s no more need to wait two days for dry boots or gloves. Just pop them on this handy little machine, turn the heat up, wait an hour or two, and it’s go time.
Hanging a row of pictures straight seems like an easy enough thing to do, but if you’ve ever tried you know it’s easier said than done. Homeowners will have lots of opportunities to use this handy tool that really puts things in their place. The Hang-o-matic marks the exact spot on the wall that the nail needs to go and includes a tape measure and built-in level.
Buy them a couple tickets to a great event or show as a little test. Will they give the extra ticket to you? You just gave them this very thoughtful gift, after all. Or do they keep them both. In which case, maybe they just get a box of chocolates from the drug store next time.
This is the perfect compromise if you’ve got a bit of a digital dinosaur who wants to let their inner techno-geek take flight. Paper airplanes were a childhood favorite for most people and they can glide into the 21st century with this smartphone controlled version. Essentially a paper drone, they’ll be positively loop-the-loopy with excitement about this modern update on an old school toy.